We have got to teach our kids better.

I finally decided to read the Willie Lynch letter and honestly it backs up what I've been saying for years. It explains why white record label owners will promote a song that encourages the killing of black men and the disrespecting of black women, but a song about killing whites or cops gets banned. Why shows on tv make us look like stupid thugs and through conditioning we accept it as status quo. Now there have been talk that the letter was a fake, but don't be fooled by this. It's besides the point. Take the message from the letter and teach your families accordingly.







WILLIE LYNCH
The Making Of A Slave



This speech was delivered by Willie Lynch on the bank of the James River in the colony of Virginia in 1712.  Lynch was a British slave owner in the West Indies.  He was invited to the colony of Virginia in 1712 to teach his methods to slave owners  there. The term "lynching" is derived
      from his last name.

Table Of Contents
 Greetings  Lets Make A Slave  Cardinal Principals For Making A Negro
 The Breaking Process Of The African Women   The Negro Marriage Unit   Controlled Language


Greetings
 

"Gentlemen. I greet you here on the bank of the James River in the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and twelve. First, I shall thank you, the gentlemen of the Colony of Virginia, for bringing me here. I am here to help you solve some of your problems with slaves. Your invitation reached me on my modest plantation in the West Indies, where I have experimented with some of the newest and still the oldest methods for control of slaves. Ancient Rome's would envy us if my program is implemented. As our boat sailed south on the James River, named for our illustrious King, whose version of the Bible we Cherish, I saw enough to know that your problem is not unique. While Rome used cords of wood as crosses for standing human bodies along its highways in great numbers, you are here using the tree and the rope on occasions. I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree, a couple miles back. You are not only losing valuable stock by hangings, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the fields too long for maximum profit, You suffer occasional fires, your animals are killed. Gentlemen, you know what your problems are; I do not need to elaborate. I am not here to enumerate your problems, I am here to introduce you to a method of solving them. In my bag here, I HAVE A FULL PROOF METHOD FOR CONTROLLING YOUR BLACK SLAVES. I guarantee every one of you that if installed correctly IT WILL CONTROL THE SLAVES FOR AT LEAST 300 HUNDREDS YEARS. My method is simple. Any member of your family or your overseer can use it. I HAVE OUTLINED A NUMBER OF DIFFERENCES AMONG THE SLAVES; AND I TAKE THESE DIFFERENCES AND MAKE THEM BIGGER. I USE FEAR, DISTRUST AND ENVY FOR CONTROL PURPOSES. These methods have worked on my modest plantation in the West Indies and it will work throughout the South. Take this simple little list of differences and think about them. On top of my list is "AGE" but it's there only because it starts with an "A." The second is "COLOR" or shade, there is INTELLIGENCE, SIZE, SEX, SIZES OF PLANTATIONS, STATUS on plantations, ATTITUDE of owners, whether the slaves live in the valley, on a hill, East, West, North, South, have fine hair, course hair, or is tall or short. Now that you have a list of differences, I shall give you a outline of action, but before that, I shall assure you that DISTRUST IS STRONGER THAN TRUST AND ENVY STRONGER THAN ADULATION, RESPECT OR ADMIRATION. The Black slaves after receiving this indoctrination shall carry on and will become self refueling and self generating for HUNDREDS of years, maybe THOUSANDS. Don't forget you must pitch the OLD black Male vs. the YOUNG black Male, and the YOUNG black Male against the OLD black male. You must use the DARK skin slaves vs. the LIGHT skin slaves, and the LIGHT skin slaves vs. the DARK skin slaves. You must use the FEMALE vs. the MALE. And the MALE vs. the FEMALE. You must also have you white servants and over- seers distrust all Blacks. But it is NECESSARY THAT YOUR SLAVES TRUST AND DEPEND ON US. THEY MUST LOVE, RESPECT AND TRUST ONLY US. Gentlemen, these kits are your keys to control. Use them. Have your wives and children use them, never miss an opportunity. IF USED INTENSELY FOR ONE YEAR, THE SLAVES THEMSELVES WILL REMAIN PERPETUALLY DISTRUSTFUL. Thank you gentlemen."


      LET'S MAKE A SLAVE
 

It was the interest and business of slave holders to study human nature, and the slave nature in particular, with a view to practical results. I and many of them attained astonishing proficiency in this direction. They had to deal not with earth, wood and stone, but with men and by every regard they had for their own safety and prosperity they needed to know the material on which they were to work. Conscious of the injustice and wrong they were every hour perpetuating and knowing what they themselves would do. Were they the victims of such wrongs? They were constantly looking for the first signs of the dreaded retribution. They watched, therefore with skilled and practiced eyes, and learned to read with great accuracy, the state of mind and heart of the slave, through his sable face. Unusual sobriety, apparent abstractions, sullenness and indifference indeed, any mood out of the common was afforded ground for suspicion and inquiry. Frederick Douglas LET'S MAKE A SLAVE is a study of the scientific process of man breaking and slave making. It describes the rationale and results of the Anglo Saxons' ideas and methods of insuring the master/slave relationship. LET'S MAKE A SLAVE "The Original and Development of a Social Being Called "The Negro." Let us make a slave. What do we need? First of all we need a black n-word man, a pregnant n-word woman and her baby n-word boy. Second, we will use the same basic principle that we use in breaking a horse, combined with some more sustaining factors. What we do with horses is that we break them from one form of life to another that is we reduce them from their natural state in nature. Whereas nature provides them with the natural capacity to take care of their offspring, we break that natural string of independence from them and thereby create a dependency status, so that we may be able to get from them useful production for our business and pleasure


   CARDINAL PRINCIPLES
FOR MAKING A NEGRO
 

For fear that our future Generations may not understand the principles of breaking both of the beast together, the n-word and the horse. We understand that short range planning economics results in periodic economic chaos; so that to avoid turmoil in the economy, it requires us to have breath and depth in long range comprehensive planning, articulating both skill sharp perceptions. We lay down the following principles for long range comprehensive economic planning. Both horse and n-words is no good to the economy in the wild or natural state. Both must be BROKEN and TIED together for orderly production. For orderly future, special and particular attention must be paid to the FEMALE and the YOUNGEST offspring. Both must be CROSSBRED to produce a variety and division of labor. Both must be taught to respond to a peculiar new LANGUAGE. Psychological and physical instruction of CONTAINMENT must be created for both. We hold the six cardinal principles as truth to be self evident, based upon the following the discourse concerning the economics of breaking and tying the horse and the n-word together, all inclusive of the six principles laid down about. NOTE: Neither principle alone will suffice for good economics. All principles must be employed for orderly good of the nation. Accordingly, both a wild horse and a wild or nature n-word is dangerous even if captured, for they will have the tendency to seek their customary freedom, and in doing so, might kill you in your sleep. You cannot rest. They sleep while you are awake, and are awake while you are asleep. They are DANGEROUS near the family house and it requires too much labor to watch them away from the house. Above all, you cannot get them to work in this natural state. Hence both the horse and the n-word must be broken; that is breaking them from one form of mental life to another. KEEP THE BODY TAKE THE MIND! In other words break the will to resist. Now the breaking process is the same for both the horse and the n-word, only slightly varying in degrees. But as we said before, there is an art in long range economic planning. YOU MUST KEEP YOUR EYE AND THOUGHTS ON THE FEMALE and the OFFSPRING of the horse and the n-word. A brief discourse in offspring development will shed light on the key to sound economic principles. Pay little attention to the generation of original breaking, but CONCENTRATE ON FUTURE GENERATION. Therefore, if you break the FEMALE mother, she will BREAK the offspring in its early years of development and when the offspring is old enough to work, she will deliver it up to you, for her normal female protective tendencies will have been lost in the original breaking process. For example take the case of the wild stud horse, a female horse and an already infant horse and compare the breaking process with two captured n-word males in their natural state, a pregnant n-word woman with her infant offspring. Take the stud horse, break him for limited containment. Completely break the female horse until she becomes very gentle, where as you or anybody can ride her in her comfort. Breed the mare and the stud until you have the desired offspring. Then you can turn the stud to freedom until you need him again. Train the female horse where by she will eat out of your hand, and she will in turn train the infant horse to eat out of your hand also. When it comes to breaking the uncivilized n-word, use the same process, but vary the degree and step up the pressure, so as to do a complete reversal of the mind. Take the meanest and most restless n-word, strip him of his clothes in front of the remaining male n-words, the female, and the n-word infant, tar and feather him, tie each leg to a different horse faced in opposite directions, set him a fire and beat both horses to pull him apart in front of the remaining n-word. The next step is to take a bull whip and beat the remaining n-word male to the point of death, in front of the female and the infant. Don't kill him, but PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN HIM,
for he can be useful for future breeding.


THE BREAKING PROCESS
OF THE AFRICAN WOMAN
 

Take the female and run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your
desires willingly. Test her in every way, because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bull whip on her to extract that last bit of b-word out of her. Take care not to kill her, for in doing so, you spoil good economic. When in complete submission, she will train her off springs in the early years to submit to labor when the become of age. Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of the subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female n-word. We have reversed the relationship in her natural uncivilized state she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized n-word male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise male off springs to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized n-word apart and bull whipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state. In this frozen psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young males life she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE off springs to be psychological independent. What have you got? You've got the N-WORD WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE N-WORD MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. This is a perfect situation of sound sleep and economic. Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her early slave molding process. He is a good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age. By the time a n-word boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force. Continually through the breaking of uncivilized savage n-word, by throwing the n-word female savage into a frozen psychological state of independence, by killing of the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the n-word male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and re shifts the position of the male and female slaves. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slave units and examine them close


    THE NEGRO MARRIAGE
UNIT
 

We breed two n-word males with two n-word females. Then we take the n-word male away from them and keep them moving and working. Say one n-word female bears a n-word female and the other bears a n-word male. Both n-word females being without influence of the n-word male image, frozen with a independent psychology, will raise their offspring into reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable (we negotiate with her, through her, by her, negotiates her at will). The one with the n-word male offspring, she being frozen subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong, in other words, body over mind. Now in a few years when these two offspring's become fertile for early reproduction we will mate and breed them and continue the cycle. That is good, sound, and long range comprehensive planning.

        WARNING: POSSIBLE  INTERLOPING NEGATIVES

Earlier we talked about the non economic good of the horse and the n-word in their wild or natural state; we talked out the principle of breaking and tying them together for orderly production. Furthermore, we talked about paying particular attention to the female savage and her offspring for orderly future planning, then more recently we stated that, by reversing the positions of the male and female savages, we created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever unless a phenomenon occurred and resift and positions of the male and female savages. Our experts warned us about the possibility of this phenomenon occurring, for they say that the mind has a strong drive to correct and re-correct itself over a period of time if I can touch some substantial original historical base, and they advised us that the best way to deal with the phenomenon is to shave off the brute's mental history and create a multiplicity of phenomena of illusions, so that each illusion will twirl in its own orbit, something similar to floating balls in a vacuum. This creation of multiplicity of phenomena of illusions entails the principle of crossbreeding the n-word and the horse as we stated above, the purpose of which is to create a diversified division of labor thereby creating different levels of labor and different values of illusion at each connecting level of labor. The results of which is the severance of the points of original beginnings for each sphere illusion. Since we feel that the subject matter may get more complicated as we proceed in laying down our economic plan concerning the purpose, reason and effect of crossbreeding horses and n-word, we shall lay down the following definition terms for future generations. Orbiting cycle means a thing turning in a given path. Axis means upon which or around which a body turns. Phenomenon means something beyond ordinary conception and inspires awe and wonder. Multiplicity means a great number. Means a globe. Cross breeding a horse means taking a horse and breeding it with an ass and you get a dumb backward ass long headed mule that is not reproductive nor productive by itself. Crossbreeding n-words mean taking so many drops of good white blood and putting them into as many n-word women as possible, varying the drops by the various tone that you want, and then letting them breed with each other until another circle of color appears as you desire. What this means is this; Put the n-words and the horse in a breeding pot, mix some assess and some good white blood and what do you get? You got a multiplicity of colors of ass backward, unusual n-words, running, tied to a backward ass long headed mules, the one productive of itself, the other sterile. (The one constant, the other dying, we keep the n-word constant for we may replace the mules for another tool) both mule and n-word tied to each other, neither knowing where the other came from and neither productive for itself, nor without each other.


CONTROLLED LANGUAGE
 

Crossbreeding completed, for further severance from their original beginning, WE
MUST COMPLETELY ANNIHILATE THE MOTHER TONGUE of both the new n-word and the new mule and institute a new language that involves the new life's work of both. You know language is a peculiar institution. It leads to the heart of a people. The more a foreigner knows about the language of another country the more he is able to move through all levels of that society. Therefore, if the foreigner is an enemy of the country, to the extent that he knows the body of the language, to that extent is the country vulnerable to attack or invasion of a foreign culture. For example, if you take a slave, if you teach him all about your language, he will know all your secrets, and he is then no more a slave, for you can't fool him any longer, and BEING A FOOL IS ONE OF THE BASIC INGREDIENTS OF AN INCIDENTS TO THE MAINTENANCE OF THE SLAVERY SYSTEM. For example, if you told a slave that he must perform in getting out "our crops" and he knows the language well, he would know that "our crops" didn't mean "our crops" and the slavery system would break down, for he would relate on the basis of what "our crops" really meant. So you have to be careful in setting up the new language for the slaves would soon be in your house, talking to you as "man to man" and that is death to our economic system. In addition, the definitions of words or terms are only a minute part of the process. Values are created and transported by communication through the body of the language. A total society has many interconnected value system. All the values in the society have bridges of language to connect them for orderly working in the society. But for these language bridges, these many value systems would sharply clash and cause internal strife or civil war, the degree of the conflict being determined by the magnitude of the issues or relative opposing strength in whatever form. For example, if you put a slave in a hog pen and train him to live there and incorporate in him to value it as a way of life completely, the biggest problem you would have out of him is that he would worry you about provisions to keep the hog pen clean, or the same hog pen and make a slip and incorporate something in his language where by he comes to value a house more than he does his hog pen, you got a problem. He will soon be in your house.

(Additional Note: = "Henty Berry, speaking in the Virginia House of Delegates in 1832, described the situation as it existed in many parts of the South at this time: "We have, as far as possible, closed every avenue by which light may enter their (the slaves) minds. If we could extinguish the capacity to see the light, our work would be complete; they would then be on a level with the beasts of the field and we should be safe. I am not certain that we would not do it, if we could find out the process and that on the plea of necessity." From Brown America, The story of a
New Race by Edwin R. Embree. 1931 The Viking Press.


www.thetalkingdrum.com

It's almost here!!

August 27th will be my 4th year with locs! Sometimes it seems like less, sometimes I'm like "Dang, that's all?" LoL! So far the dreadies are thriving. They are getting a little frazzled around the ends, do to my not tying them up at night (they get rubbed as I toss and turn so they feel really "brushed" and are thinning, but just on the ends and just some of them. )

my routine has eased up again. I still love moisture and comditioners, so I'm loving
my glycerin and aloe spritz. I'm still using my peanut oil for... OILING! LoL! Far as special shampoos, I'm just using Suave and some of hubby's White Rain Apple Blossom shampoo. It smells great, but isn't sold in stores around here. If anyone remembers the product, I found it in www.bythecase.com . Not sure why they stopped selling it in stores.

My conditioners are Suave Naturals and Vo5 Moisture Milks. Or whatever you call it. I'm too lazy to check right now. Imma add some photos to my fotki page, so you'll see the products there in more detail. ( http://public.fotki.com/BlackAngelPlayah ) most times I just rinse mu locs out by spritzing with water (when I remember to) and slather with conditioner, massaging my scalp in the process. Then rinsing well after my shower. My hair is always very clean and smells great. (and I'm not the only one to say so!) I usually hit it with some actual shampoo twice a month, lathering twice ever so often just to be sure it's clean.

And as you know I don't twist, and at this point I don't even seperate. I just let 'em be free. Thus sounds like a nightmare for some, but it is locking at it's purest form and the results are wonderful. You learn to let go. You learn patients. You surrender control over such a small part of your existance, but it's like a TON of negative crap and worry and just WEIGHT is lifted off your shoulders. It's liberating. Freeing for you as well as the hair. You get some of this with any method of locking, a great deal in fact! But freeforming is the ultimate in pure surrender. I guess that's why I love this method. Infact I could stand to let go a little more! LoL. But that's an issue for another day.


Jen

All is well.

I'm using the Anucci scented oil again. I don't know what it is, but it relaxes me so much. Makes me think of winter and fall. My two favorite seasons. I'm still rinsing with conditioner often and it's working out pretty well. I havent' thought seriously about cutting my hair anymore. I've decided to set a goal. I'm growin' to the flo'.. Just for the hell of it. I saw a little diagram that said floor lenght is 'faerie tale hair' so that's what I'm going for. :D


I'm coming up on my 4th year with the locks and time has flown. I wonder if the next 4 will go so fast? hmm..

Anyway, bought Vo5 Hair Milks in Passion Fruit Smoothie this last time around. I love the smell and it actually makes my dreads soft. I just slather it on, let it sit and rinse it out good. Works for me. I can shampoo less often by cowashing often. Plus it keeps my hair smelling super delicious. :p


Well, this is a shot post as nothing major has happened. Nothing new so far. :p



Jen

Peace...

Well, my 'cut lust' has subsided and I'm perfectly happy and in love with my dreads again. They are really getting long now. :) Can't believe I was even entertaining the idea of having loose hair again. Hmm, goes to show you. Never make a rash decision because I would have been MAAAAD right now if I had cut my hair. LoL..

The glycerin spritz is working EXCELLENTLY.. I am loving it. Plus it brings my Suave shampoo and Conditioner up to the quality of any moisturizing product line. I've been co-washing most of the time. I haven't actually used shampoo in about 9 days. I know that's not long, but you're talking about someone who usually lathers up every 7 days MINIMUM!! Surprisingly, my locs are clean, but I do need to lather 'em up soon. They got maybe one or two more co-washes before they start looking... Ashy.. :p At least I'd imagine. I'm not sure of that. I guess I just like to lather up. LoL.. I will say this though, using just conditioner to rinse with, the softness, sheen, and moisture is THROUGH THE ROOF.. I never know my hair could be in such good condition. Even my loose roots are shedding a lot less. It's pretty cool.. In the future I'll be buying my Aloe and glycerin locally. (Saves shipping costs, and hubby is OK with the stuff, so I'm all good now.) I also know it's just a matter of time before the price goes up JUST because we're using it for our hair now. Them bastards never rest. Greedy fucker. :p

Anyway, I think I mentioned my rinsing method. You know, I put the conditioner on my DRY hair. Really SOAK it with it, making sure to get each dread coated, then ponytail it.. Then get rinse it out after my shower.. Long slow rinse.. 10 minutes or more... yeah, that is working out so well, I think I'll keep doing it. :) Well, you know when I co-wash that is to say. I think it pretty much works like Wen works.. But a whole HELL of a lot cheaper. (Except with Wen, you wet your hair THEN put it on. Most who cowash do the same thing. )



Well I guess that's all.. I have more e-Stops to make before the day is over. :)


Jen

And now...

It's here. I got my glycerin and aloe in the mail today, and I have spiked EVERYTHING with it. Shampoo, conditioner and I've made a spritz out of it. Glycerin over kill, anyone? :p

From the first spritz, it feels very moist. The smell (and taste) reminds me of LongAid curl activator. Which use to be my favorite gel back in the day. But I am loving this very moisturized feeling. I can fell the moisture from the air being attracted to my hands!! This is pretty nice.. I think my little dreads are gonna love this product. :) And it feels great that I've made it myself. I actually think if it continues to work so well, I can actually sell this product. Feeling my loose hair, I think it will work on loose nappies too. (As a freeformer I have both types of hair, locked and loose.) I have to work on the measurements but I think it will work well.

I probably will keep searching for my aloe though. This one has too many ingredients in it. And it's mostly polysaccharides. I want 100% aloe gel if it exists.. Or aloe juice would be even better, since I'm locked and I don't twist. The juice will mix in water better.. Maybe.. Personally I don't see anything wrong with the gel, but trial and error will give a better end product.

Well, this is the beginning of the first trial testing of my first home made product. Hopefully all will go well. Oh, and I've decided to start writing again. My first book will be about, you guessed it, growing locs and natural hair. :) You gotta do what you love, so you'll love what you do. :)


Jen

Better Now...

I think I'm finally over the whole loose hair obsession now. I guess since my ends came loose on some of my locs and see the loose hair, I feel I'm much happier than I would be loose. I love these locs. And I ain't cuttin' 'em ever. :)

I am looking forward to the future of my dreads. How long they'll get... How long they'll be once I get to the 5 year mark. Honestly, they are almost as long now as I assumed they'd be at 5 years now. :p I was looking for really slow growth, but they are gettin' down there! Not that I was obsessed with LENGTH, still it's nice to seem 'em all flowin' and I look forward to see how long they'll be 10 years from NOW.. Or even at the 10 year mark.

I've been thinking about back when I was obsessed with straight hair and how long ago that seems. I don't even WANT straight hair now.. It's boring and overly fake. I was born kinky and curly and I plan to stay that way for life. It is actually kinda stupid to want something you weren't born with so bad that you're willing to hurt your self to get it. I'm glad I'm more balanced in the head than I once have been.

I'm still waiting for my glycerine and aloe to get here. Man that company is slow as shit with shipping. I'll know next time to find another company. <_< And for this long ass wait, their products better be pure and GOOD..

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Tah...


Jen

The things I do.. :p

Well, I was planning to just rinse my dreads out real quick yesterday.. Simple enough. Then for some reason, I got the notion to slather my hair.. MY DRY HAIR with Suave conditioner. Just straight up.. I put it in a pony tail, got in the shower.. After the shower, I rinsed it out real good.. And today, It's so soft. It was soft before I even spritzed and oiled again. cool.. New trick for rinsing maybe? yeah Maybe. :p

I can't wait until my glycerin and aloe gets here. I'm serious I'm on a moisture kick like nobody's business! I've put aloe in my hair before, when I had a curl. It was alright, but it didn't add any shine. I figured it would make a cheaper activator. (Aloe was only like $! a bottle then since most people only used it for cooling off after being in the sun.. Hmmm.. Maybe it still is that cheap.. I'll look next time I need some. But I got the good stuff first.. Not too crazy about the $5 bucks shipping though. <_<

Oh well, you gotta pay sometimes. And it is cheaper than some of the stuff I see for sale costing upwards of $30 for a tiny ass bottle. Even I'm not that stupid. :p OK, maybe I am, but I don't ahve the $30 to spend.. *blushes*


Well, this was just a small post. I'm trying to be more active on this thing. Make use of it.. :)

Ta Ta...

Jen

New Products for the dreads. :)

Well, I decided to break down and buy some glycerin. I've been hearing about it's moisturizing benefits for natural hair, and decided to give it a try. I haven't gotten it yet, as I just bought it today, but I can't wait for it to get here. :) I also ordered some Aloe Gel. I plan to mix them together into a spritz and see how it works. I know my broke ass don't need to be spending all this money, but they were pretty cheap. 16oz bottles for $8 bucks together. I'm hoping this works out well because I am on a serious moisture kick. After my cowash the other day, or was it yesterday? Anyway, my hair feels so soft. At first it felt like it was getting hard as normal when it first got dry, but after I spritzed today with some oil and water and gave it a good seal with some oil, it feels soft, and the conditioner gave it a great smell. Much better than just rinsing alone. I wouldn't cowash exclusively though as I think it would eventually build up on my dreads, making them look dull and dirty. Not to mention slightly sticky and then lint would start to stick and that would just be a great big hot MESS. LoL.. Nah, we ain't goin' there.

I think I'm over my 'cut lust' for the moment. I'm trying to focus on treating my locs like regular natural hair than just acting like they are just THERE. This will keep my interest. I find though I have a highly spiritual connection with my locs, that's what made me cut my hair all the time. Boredom. I got bored with it and cutting it gave me something new. And I must say since I've been shopping for my locs and touching them (constantly!!), I feel reconnected with them.

Well, when the products arrive, I'll give my hair a good wash (if I can WAIT!! I may just start spritzin' it on.. I think I will.. Unless it arrives on my wash day. :p )and start spritzing it up. This, if all goes according to plan, will be my new routine..

Shampooing: Once a week

Cowash: Around day 3

Rinsing: every other day, if I feel like it.

Spritzing: A mix of water, aloe, glycerin, and a HINT of scented oil, used daily. I spritz daily anyway, so this doesn't really change.

It's basically the same routine I've always had, except with a lot more rinsing and washing. ^_^

Well, that's all for now. More later. :)

Jen

I've been thinking a lot about things these days. I last posted about the racism I experienced in the G of A. Well, I think it did something to me.. Something that I don't like. It's not the first instance of racism I've ever encountered, but it seems like it's about to be the last straw before the camel's back breaks.

And I don't want that to happen. So how do you stop others from influencing your feelings? I don't know.. I once had the magic pill that would stop all my pains from the negativity, but it seems I can't get there anymore. I can't center myself these days. I don't think any amount of herbs and inscents can change that. But something has to be done.

I think this is partially why I keep getting the urge to cut my dreads and start over. (Again, not gonna happen. But the thoughts are definately there.) I've experienced a lot of pain in the last year or so. I've made so many mistakes in just a short time and I'd love to start over. But simply cutting my dreads off and thinking that is gonna give me the fresh start I seek is just damned foolish. I'd just end up missing my dreads, though I'm sure I'd LIKE my loose natural hair, it wouldn't be the same. These locs are like a part of my body. Not to just be cast off because you think you can gain some sort of purification from cutting it off.

So I've been trying to satisfy both needs, at least in the hair department. The other stuff your guess is as good as mine what I can do about it. Those answers, I believe, will come in due time. But as far as my hair and my 'cut lust', I'm going to get all into these locs. Caring for them, learning about them, observing them. Making them as strong and beautiful as I can. Like a well loved flower or tree.. A garden I guess would be the best image. Watering it daily and nourishing it. Right now, it's kinda brittle from dryness. I was reading on http://www.nappturality.com/ that your hair can have too much protein. It makes sense as you can EAT too much protein, I guess your hair only needs so much. I did the little strand test, and they are definately solid from protein, but they are dry as they have no stretch before they just snap. They are very... VERY strong in some cases, but there is no give. And I can see the dryness in just touching and feeling it. I have added cowashing to my routine in hopes that I can get some moisture. I've been using the Suave, which for the amount of conditioner I'll be using up, it's the best choice price wise. Dreads just DRINK up conditioner AND shampoo. I plan to keep washing once a week, but if I'm not seeing any improvment in moisture, and my hair shows no signs of build up, I may bump that back a week to twice a month. Cowashing with the Vanilla Floral scent Suave makes my hair smell pretty clean and look as good as it would if I had washed it, but I believe my scalp can tell the difference, so I can't ELIMINATE shampoo all together, but I can hold off on it. After my cowashing today, my hair actually feels soft, but I also know it's not dry yet. Plus, I can see my little loosened ends and I could NOT handle that all over my head. I'd lose it. All the breakage I see there alone.. There is no way I'm even READY to have loose hair. LoL.. I commend those who are holdin' it down with the loose coils.. But this stuff is meant for locs, and I know this.. But still.... Doesn't make me not THINK about all that light loose hair. :p

Well, anyway. As I was saying. I can't afford all kinds of new products, plus ever product is protein rich and my hair has had enough of that. (Grasias, Pantene. ) I would like to get my hands on either some glycerin, or a product rich in vitamins and glycerin.. That should keep it moist.. Plus I'm wondering what are the benefits of spiking my conditioner with oil? If oil is not a moisturizer alone, and it just seals in moisture, if I'm putting oil in my conditioners, am I sealing IN moisture, or sealing my hair off from the conditioner? It's totally a mystery. I'll have to ask my gals on Nappturality about that. Givin' me a little hair-ache.. :p

Well, I've talked in circles long enough.. What have I left out? (Thinks to self.) Wanna snippy snippy, check... No snippy... check... Dry... Check..

Yeah, I think I've covered it pretty well for now. :) So... Later...

I've been dreaming a lot of loose locks lately. Of course I'd never cut my dreads off, but still the dreams are KILLING ME.. I experienced my loose hair for months before it actually locked and I HATED dealing with it. It was brittle no matter what I did to it, always looked dry and combing? ForGET it!! My hair was such a hassle loose. Locked it looks better than it ever has and it's longer than it has been in YEARS..

And maybe that's the problem.. YEARS.. I'm working on my fourth year in locks. I have never gone this long with out cutting my hair off. I've been whacking it off since I was 14!! I'll let it grow then for some reason I'd see something wrong with it. Split ends, uneven.. JUST WANTED TO TRIM IT!! And I use to love that airy feeling I got when I finished snipping it off. :)

But I think this is the next level. The next test. I had to be patient and not obsess over my hair being even while it was locking. Not obsess about length. It did it in it's own time the way it wanted to. Now I have to pass this hurdle. The no cutting hurdle.. Something I did for 13 of my life.. Cut my hair. That must be why I suddenly am itching for the scissors.. Hmm.. Even the freeformed lock guru has issues with wanting to cut it off.. How hypocritical.. (looking at myself in my mental mirror ALL sideways. )

But this will pass. I think I'm in a rut with this thing. The mysticism has worn off locking and all that natural African Pride I had in the beginning. And all the 'enlightenment' and energy I was drawing through them has become stale and old. But cutting is not the answer. You'd never keep hair if that was the case. No I have to renew my strength in my locks. My faith and feeling. I have to concentrate on all the good things about my dreads and not the fact that I can't cut them and they will forever look the same. They have already proven that that's not true. They change every year. They get longer, flatter, even some have come loose, so I get to see all them curly ends. Another reason not to cut them.. Them ends be dryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the morning. :p And to imagine a whole head like that.. I'D HAVE SOME DAMAGED HAIR!! And it would be thick and all over for the world and myself to see.. I'd be so sorry if I chopped em off. And I know this.

So I'm compromising.. As a freeformer, I have lots of loose hair at the roots, I have the loose ends on some of them, I've been playing with it like loose hair as far as worring about breakage and moisture and all the things you'd do to natural loose hair. Just no combing or trimming. So I get to visit with my loose hair often. I think it helps me see that my hair is still HAIR.. Just coily curly hair... The locks are an addition. :)

Well, I guess I'm done ranting. I have to come to this thing more often.

Jen

I was in the market to buy a new home in GA!! I was all happy and excited.. We would get a little fixer upper and... Well... Fix it up! We found one.. Very inexpensive, but too much to pay cash for.. We figured (and "we" being my husband and I. :p ) we'd get a little bank loan for it, after all it was a foreclosed home on the banks site. Surely they'd be willing to give a loan for such a small amount. (And they were. Just needed to check the house out to make sure it was a good investment. Still.. NO problem..) But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I contacted Macon Realty Group Inc.. They were the listing realtor. First thing, kind voice on the phone... Until I spoke..

Well.. What you have to know is you can HEAR the southerner in my tone first off.. The next thing you'll hear is BLACK.. OK, now having said that.. I'll continue..

First question. Are you a realtor, or broker, or just a person wanting to rent the house out? OK.. That's ok, honest question...

I messed up and said I wanted to buy it for a personal residence.. I wanted to live in it.. I can smack myself..

Now the neighbourhood and details behind it.. This is a HOOD.. Most of the houses are boarded up and vacant. It's an all black neighbourhood. I'm pretty sure there isn't even a MIXED COUPLE living in this hood. Now most of the time, Realtors and banks can't WAIT to unass this kinda property.

Side fact.. Across from the street this neighbourhood is on, is a new Marriot hotel being built. Now that's the kicker.. You know what happens when fancy places open up near a black neighbourhood. They 'clean up' the place. Meaning buying out all the black home owners at a 'good' price, build new homes there, sell em at a price 'those people' can never afford and white the place up. Seen it a million times. And it sucks everytime.. That was one of the reasons I wanted to buy the place. To try to keep the neighbourhood going.. Not just to be an all black hood, but not let those snobbish upity bastards get their way. Plus I wanted to buy that house. :)

Alright.. Now I've put my foot in it saying I wanted to live there... Before I could even tell her whether I was going to get a loan or just out right buy it.. (Hey there are rich black folks. Ever heard of Oprah? ) She just ASSumed I didn't have money and had to finance. I was a little offended, but wanted to remain polite.. I wanted this house.. Well, not even telling her that I was planning to finance, she ASSumed my black ass could not afford the house and that it would be a waste of 'both' of 'our' time for her to show the property.. I'm like, "FTW?!" What if I was some rich black person who wanted to 'take back' the neighbourhood? With that attitude, even if I wanted one of those $100,000 homes they showcase on the website, after that convo, I don't think I would be interested. From there, things would look up, and then spiral down hill. We found a realtor we trusted, and she showed the house to us, didn't really see a problem with the place. Even saw potential in it for us to fix up.. However, in the end the listing Realtor got her way and it was no deal.

In the end maybe it was for the best. I'm not one to argue with the universe and apparently that was not an area for me to live in . But it was a reminder of how far we've come, but still how far we have to go in this country. ESPECIALLY down here in the Dirty Dirty. :)

I'm still using the peanut oil on my hair. I've even started adding it to other products, like shampoo and conditioner. I was shocked that the oil worked so well in the shampoo. I still get the same amount of lather, and it leaves my hair shiny, but clean.. It's weird. Oil in shampoo.. Who knew? As far as being in conditioner, of course that' s gonna work like a house on fire, unless you have fine hair that is really really oily. Mixing oils with other products helps most people's hair accept oils better- or so I imagine. Now I can't just SLATHER my locks with oil and think everything is fine, but if I spritz with water first or mix it with another product, it works REALLY well. If I ever start making products to sell, that will be the way to go.. Soon as I get the formula just right. Hey, when it comes to hair care products, I don't mind being the test subject.. :p Plus with all this extra washing and massaging, my hair seems to be growing faster.. Not sure if it's the massage, the products, or just that time of year. But I'm liking the results.

I mixed all my conditioners together, and shampoos as well with some oils (peanut and scented) To see how that's gonna work out.. Plus it will help me use up all those left over products since hubby isn't having me buy more until I use all the old stuff up. (Men, right?) Well, I understand.. Money is tight for all of us these days. This is a great tip for all those out there who have a little of this a bit of that.. Products that just don't work that well alone.. You can mix like things and maybe get better results.. Or at least you'll end up with a new bottle of shampoo, conditioner, oil- Whatever you have a bunch of. :) Just a tip.

Well, I guess that's it for now.. Hopefully I'll have some more to tell soon. :)

Jen

Lately I've been reading a lot about black history and all the movements that took place back then. You would think with all the inspiration and motivation of black people back then, we'd be on top- or at least equal with the rest of the world. Instead, we went backwards like we're suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and have to be some how less than our "paler" counterparts. Sure we talk the talk and some of us have very high paying jobs. Some are in high society. But still when the rest of the world looks at us all they see is the black folks they see on BET and in videos and not to mention on movies and TV shows that make intelligent blacks look like the exception. As in the old terms of the south: "Them Ni&&ers ain't no good... But not YOU! You're one of the good ones." Yeah.. No less offensive is it.. Yet to some... It's acceptable. As long as it ain't "me" then all is well.. But I think what those leaders and prophets of the past wanted was for it to not be ANY of us. They wanted us to be educated, but never lose heart. And never separate from our people in favor of being all up on the "other".

Now don't get me wrong. I want the world to be at peace. Where we can all hold hands love each other no matter what race creed or kind. Rich or poor, no one is less than the other. But we ain't there yet, so never get that twisted. I was reading about Marcus Garvey, I never took time to read why he was so important in black history, now I know. (We read something other than Essence, we learn stuff. :) Though I love Essence and O magazine, sometimes you have to research important stuff too.) He had a very good, well many good ideas. First off was the idea to buy land for us to go back to Africa, which was taken away by slick business men. But not all of us wanna go back to Africa anyway. But we should make the best of being here. Which brings me to the next idea. His idea to own a company for and by blacks. Products made by blacks to ship to blacks for their businesses. Back then we had segregation and sometimes we didn't get the best products from white owned companies, so this idea would have been great. He was planning to ship to American Blacks, Canada,Jamaica and Africa. He wanted all black stock holders. We had chances!! Chances that were rare back then. The companies went down rather quickly, but why were such good ideas for business just abandoned? Well, when segregation ended, we could shop white owned stores and come in the front door like 'real people'.. Well that's all well and good, but then we stopped shopping in the black owned stores. And the attitudes about black owned stores got worse and worse.

You had some black store owners who were trying to cheat the people, But also some who had older products simply cause they could afford fresh and costs were high because they couldn't buy a whole train load and get the discounts to pass the savings on to the customer. The end result. The white business had better quality in some cases and lower prices and we started shopping there. I mean I get that.. Cheaper and better.. A real steal.. But they didn't even want us there. But we pried our way in and demanded to give them our money!! And our neighborhoods suffered. Because all our money was going to another neighborhood. Improving a neighbourhood that didn't need it really and letting ours just go to s#it. Now that was kinda stupid. And the worst part is, this is the trend that lasted.. THE BAD TREND..

Now days if we see a black shop owner, first thing you hear. "I ain't trying to make that ni&&a rich!!" And that's from US not the "other". We ain't trying to make that black man rich but we'll run to Walmart, Target, Albersons- Take your pick! And spend our whole paycheck and never think of it again. I'm not without fault either. I shop the hell outta Walmart! Are there any African products there? There are barely black PRODUCTS in Walmart- BUT they do provide jobs to some people in the communities. But that's all big businesses. And you hear of sexism, racism, ALL isms in a company like that.. But I still go there and toss away $100 a week sometimes!

Anyway, my point is. Seems like by now, we should be owning a company like Walmart, Sams- A GAS STATION!! Something. All the money we throw the "other" we can really have something to be proud of!! Come up in the WORLD.. Start having respect and respecting ourselves.. Then we can join with the world.. Not the way we're doing it now. We are just "fitting in".. Not belonging.. Now I don't think if belonging means being greedy and not caring we should make that our goal. But having the world just look at a black business man as a business man. That he may OWN the company instead of just working for it. You see a black man with a nice car, he's not stealing it. And he's not a dope dealer. He's just doing well. You know.. Same way they look at THEM, they need to see us like that. And they aren't gonna just do it.. We have to put that image out there.

Now how do we do that? I don't know. I'd say support black business, but I've seen that backfire too. You spend and spend.. Get them well off.. And they give you @ss to kiss.. Like they made the money by calling the money faerie! But we have to start somewhere.. Quit raising our sons to be thugs- Thugs are not strong men. They are just dumb animals.. And that's not how I want the world to see our Bredren anymore. Stop raising our daughters to be 'hos. Make them go to school. Learn the word! Have some respect! I'm tired of the world thinking our young women are just 'bitc#es and 'hos. Or ghetto chicks. Just plain tired of it! We have to do something. We need to all.. ALL SEXES AND AGES read up on some Marcus Garvey, some Haile Selesie, Some Malcolm X. LEARN about the past to better the future..

**Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free out minds; How long shall they kill our prophets, while we stand around and look?!** Bob Marley

One Love, Bless Up!

Jen

This was a post to one of Essences sites after reading some of the comments those "Ladies" left in response to a picture of a woman with natural hair.. Mind you, I get pissed about fake bitches trying to front reality.. :p

Wow.. I had no idea black women hated black women so much. Oh wait.. Yes I did.. :) Who said natural hair was ugly? OK, some natural hair is ugly. Just like some slick hair is ugly and greasy too. It's like some black folks are ugly and some white folks are too and vice versa. All of NOTHING is gonna be gorgeous The way I see it, if you're not comfortable with your natural hair, go ahead. Press it, perm it, hell cut off if you think it's beyond help! And as for all those 'ladies' who are always thinking natural women are upity and self righteous, they have a right to be. They have broken a shackle that has been on them since they were 3 and sadly that baby hair turned to the real deal and their mothers decided "Hey. Perms can make my baby have good hair forever!" Hair for black people goes far beyond style. It's just not the same as a white girl or someone with that slick stuff going "Darn it! I can't do a THING with my hair!" And it's easy to say that's crap. It's easy not to look at it.. It's easy to cover it up. It's hard to DEAL with those feelings. But no matter how mad you get. No matter how straight and bouncy you're able to force your hair to get, it's still the same underneath. So next time you try to get righteous cause you have "straight" hair. and another sista has her natural hair and isn't ashamed of it. Instead of trying to snicker and laugh like the slick stuff is actually growing out of your head, try just acting like she's got... hair.. Regular hair. It's not funny. It's not dirty.. It's just HERS.. Now yall play nice. :)


Yeah, I really didn't care if they play nice or not. If it's anything like the REAL pantene site, they'll just delete my realism anyway.. Can't for the life of me know why I keep using Pantene! They are such promoters of black hatred. IMHO. But then that is so many companies.

Well, I had to stop with the brushing. It was making my dreads look WORSE!! They attracted MORE lint and got really frizzy.. Plus they seemed to be getting pulled apart by the brushing.. Maybe my brush was too hard, but personally I just don't see the point.

However, the oils are working great. I even started oiling with peanut oil, not because of any special qualities of peanut oil, just because I have a little bottle of peanut oil that I could lift easily, and a GIANT 25LB JUG of vegetable oil that would have been a hassle to pour. Do the math. i'm lazy. :p But it really does a good job. It lasts so I don't even have to use it everyday if I don't want to. I even added some to my conditioner and it boosts teh shine even more! I've tried the vegetable oil before, but I was hooked on the idea that store products worked better. Now that that honeymoon is over, I'm happy with these results. The vegetable oil works too, but it actually seems that the peanut oil DOES work better. I'll have to test the theory one day, but for now I've got a bottle fulla peanut oil and I'm lovin' it. :)

I've started washing my hair more often, or at least rinsing it out with some conditioner.. I was going every 5 days,, then every 4, now it's just whenever I feel like it.. My locs were getting a bit of a.. well, not an ODOR.. But a smell on the ends. Not a BAD smell.. Just.. Like the scented oils and conditioners were settling in the ends of my dreads and just not blending well.. With the extra washings, all that is gone.. I plan to try a deep cleaning to see if some of this lint can be washed out.. Maybe not but a good deep cleansing followed by a deep conditioning is just wonderful for locs. FOR HAIR in general I believe.. But dreads are bigger strands of hair so they need the deep cleanings more.. :)

Also I've been thinking about this. I've been trying to see dreads as just another hair type. Sucks that we don't have good products geared towards that, I mean the mainstream products that look pretty, smell good, and they have all this hype to say about it.. (Hype is like a placebo effect... If you believe it will work, it will at least for a while.. Well, most of the time. ) But the thought was also that I now am on the 'other side' of hair.. Instead of having extremely 'curly' hair.. It's not literally STICK STRAIGHT!! (Well, the roots are coily still, but the dreaded part is straight. ) It even hangs stick straight and when it's wet, it just hangs there. If I was a person for fancy hairdos, I'd be in trouble and would be going nuts trying to curl and all that crap.. Even a braid out isn't possible because my sticks are so BIG, they don't stay braided, and if they did the difference wouldn't be very dramatic. Curls I think would look cute, but hubby says it will look like curled up snakes since my dreads are so big. Personally, taking the whole stick straight theory, the curls will just fall down anyway, at most making pretty cute waves.. But when I have to BUY curlers, it's hard to convince a man you NEED curlers when you have locs.. Oh well.. :) I think I'll get over it.. At least he doesn't hate dreads anymore. And he knows they aren't dirty now.. So it's not a total loss. :)

Well, those are my thoughts for today. More later. :)

Jen

Just a short recap. The oil, I now love it.. At first it was stank, then it was alright.. Now I'm PRETTY sure I'll buy it again!! It smell so sweet as long as you dilute it.. Just a little dab'll do ya in this case. Still I wish it had a more coconut smell. :)

And I picked up the brush and brushed 'em.. Just brushed the crap outta my dreads and they feel pretty good.. IT felt pretty good!! At first I was just foolin' around with it, bored.. Hair's there.. One thing lead to another.. I brushed.. And it felt so good, just like all who suggest it said it would. Plus it removed lint I'd imagine.. The lint on the surface, nothing is gonna take the lint out that's imbedded but picking your locks apart and I ain't even thinking about that. But once a week or so maybe.. It might help keep new lint from being imbedded. I mean once a week with the DEEP brushing I did today.. Pretty much each lock or at least each section got a little special attention.. I might just brush over it every two days or so.. I still don't trust styling tools for loose hair on my dreads. Seems wrong. Like they'll brush them apart.. But I guess it's ok every once in a while.. Just for kicks.. :)

Weight, well, still having issues, but it'll be alright. For some reason I've been getting full really REALLY quickly.. I probably should be worried, but I'd like to think it's just my body's way of saying " You know what, Jen. Stop. Just stop. I can't BE like this anymore.. This weight is hurting us.." And that makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about about that.. :) Besides this is how it started last time.. Got really really full, really really fast and lost like 40lbs or more!! Hopefully this time I'll lose a little bit more. And keep more of it off. My goal is like 150 or so, and I think that's possible. I'm a grown ass 31 year old, I don't need to weight 100lbs to be happy.. 150 is just fine.

Well, I guess that's all I have to recap for right now. Maybe there'll be more later. :)

Jen

I've been battling many issues for so long and the one that keeps coming up like a CANCER is my weight.. I use to starve it off as a teen all the way to young adult.. About a year or two ago, I lost it through being more 'spiritual'. Worked pretty well, but just as I was about 10 or 15lbs from my goal weight, I just flopped!! The weight started piling back on and now I'm fat again.. Now I've never gained back up to 245 like I was at my heaviest.. I've always kept that last 20 to 30lbs off. But the rest of it keeps coming back over and over again.. It's really annoying.. I can't say it's depression.. I can't say it's this total unhappiness.. It's an eating disorder that I've had since I was BORN.. It goes from compulsive over eating, down to anorexia.. Weird.. Like being Bipolar just with food!! Geez... But I feel the worst if over in this 'swing' in the fat episode.. I don't feel as out of control as I have before, and I think it's because of where I am in life.. I'm 31, not 18.. I'm more set.. I know I CAN eat what I want, so there's no desperation trigger.. You know.. You can't have it so you WANT IT BAD!! This comes and goes now. :) I'm happy about that.

I'm not dieting.. I swore I would never diet again. It doesn't work.. You'll lose it, but you'll gain it back as soon as the diet is over.. But I'm not so stupid as to think that the weight is just gonna fall off.. There has to be balance.. The best choice for me is to eat that meal.. THAT meal... And stop.. Rest.. Think about do you want seconds? Thirds? Really? Probably not.. I believe that is a plan that will work for anyone.. Everyone knows how to diet.. From healthy to the most ANOREXIC starvation diet you can think of you know how to do it.. Just like I do.. But it won't last if your mind isn't set.. Most people are fat for the same reason I am. Because there's something in their minds that isn't clicking right. You eat when you're not hungry.. You eat cause it's there.. I have caught myself just looking for something to eat CAUSE I CAN EAT IT!! That's why diets don't work, hunger is the last of your issues.. Sure that first day, it may be.. But most of the time... It's all mental..

Do I have a magic diet plan? Yes.. THINK... You can't starve your self.. And you'll never stick to it.. You'll feel horrible and then you'll quit.. Then you'll be back on square one.. And so much sadder than you were when you started.. All you can do is eat if you're hungry, then stop.. At first you may have trouble stopping. Well, it's not the end of the world.. Practice makes perfect. Beating yourself up, does nothing but leave you with emotional black eyes. Start making a practice of asking yourself, can I do without more of this? Can I wait a few hours before I eat more.. Most of the time, after a few minutes or an hour, you've forgotten that you're suppose to eat more of it.. And then you don't really want it.. Or it's time to eat again anyway!!

Water is important.. Drink as much water as you can drink. All day. Every chance you get, because it will fill you up. I ate this morning and have been drinking water all day and I'm still STUFFED! I think that's a good start.. At first I was really hopeless, but now I'm feeling like this set back is not the end of the world. :) Feels great to not feel hopeless.. Even if it's just for one day.

Well, I bought a new scented oil, coconut.. Now you know what coconut smells like. Sweet.. Kinda nutty.. CREAMY.. Not this oil... At first I liked it from the bottle's smell.. Smelled kinda like a creamy coconut, but then I decided after another experience I've had with the company that supplies my oil, better smell a little bit on your finger first.. I did.. And first instinct.. OLD LADY SMELL!! I mean.. Like an old lady vanilla.. Thinking it was a mix up.. I smelled the other bottle. (Yeah smart ass bought 2 bottles.. I mean.. I love the smell of coconut!!) Same smell.. It was just STANK.. TOTALLY STANK!! I sniffed that stuff every way I could. Tried to mix it.. Still HORRIBLE.. Worst off I'd put it on one of my locks.. One of my FRONT locks.. I was like oh lord.. I'mma smell like old lady til I wash my hair... But I kept smelling that lock.. And as the day went on.. It thinned out a bit and by this morning, it smelled pretty good.. So I decided to give it a shot.. Knowing it don't smell like I though it did. Get over it.. You paid for it.. You too lazy to return it.. Get over it and try to work with it.. So I did it.. I wash my hair Saturday anyway.. What's the harm? I slathered it on and now I"m waiting.. And it smells sweet.. Not really like coconut.. Not EXACTLY, but it does smell a LITTLE like it and it has a warm sweet smell.. I think I can deal with it.. Actually LIKE it in time.. It smells pretty good in my hair, though it stinks to me on my skin.. :) Who would have thought. :) And hubby likes it, so it's a good buy.. This is not enough to stop me from buying from the company, but I won't be buying any more fruit or floral scents from them.. Or at least not in bulk size.. Maybe a dram or 1/2 ounce or something like that..

I've been looking for new shampoo and conditioners to use as well.. There has to be something better than Pantene. I mean, the stuff is all chemicals!! But I've had a bad experience with 'natural' shampoo.. It made my hair feel like sticks. I can do that for less than $20 thank you.. But I have to try some out because I need a line to sell when I get the shop started.. However, no hype will make me sell people crappy stuff. It has to at least work for ME.. However, I feel the retailer that sold me the shampoo probably has other good products and I may try to sell some of those.. Or maybe I'll sell African Pride products. Much cheaper and I know they work pretty well... Just stay away from the ones containing Petrolatum.. (By the way, there is Petrolatum in Pantene Relaxed and Natural SHAMPOO!! Not conditioner.. SHAMPOO.. Right after water, right before SOAP... I figure that's why it works so well on my hair. Find a product with the same 'oiliness' but not chemical oil and it should work the same.. I may have to make my own if one doesn't exist.. I wasn't really tryin' to make anything, just sell stuff, but you know.. Mother of invention and all that. :) Pantene Relaxed and Natural has worked well for my hair and I'd recommend it, but people have to know about the chemicals and how bad they are for you.. If after that they still decide to use it, more power to them.. Good luck.. It's a great product, great results, but I just personally think we can do better for our hair.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now.. :)