Thinking Back...

I was just thinking about a situation a long time ago. I had short hair then, and my husband and I went to Fredricks of Hollywood, and the clerk said as we entered with her big white girl grin, "What can I help you gentlemen with today?" Last time I looked I was not a gentleman.. She was embarassed as hell when she realized her mistake, but that is something to think about. The persuit of being FEMININE!! I seem to have lost mine somewhere along the line. My bastard ass husband blamed my short hair and clothing. I was wearing his leather jacket.. Or my build.. Can't do squat about that. I mean I can lose some weight, but I'm still gonna have the same wide shoulders as I do now, just bonier I guess.. I don't know.. I don't think he really understands what a woman feels.. Nor does he care to. I guess that's why I've got my blogs..

But now I'm taking down my locks.. Oh, and that was a major MAJOR issue.. My locking.. He called me all kinds of dikes and lesbians, and thugs.. It just wasn't even damn funny!! If it wasn't for my twilight sleep-esq love of my locks, I don't think I would have made it. I would have ran screaming back to the perm! But I took the red pill and all was revealed..

Or was it the blue one? It was a Matrix thing.. Or Alice in Wonderland.. Hell you get it..

I can't see myself getting a perm again.. Maybe one day a texturizer, but I don't even see that on the horizon. However when DH found out I was planning to take down my locks, his gears started turning immediately...

Towards me getting a perm... And when I said no... He flipped out. I mean called me all kinds of stupid bitches and everything.. And that I wasn't gonna like my regular hair, and I wasn't gonna be able to comb it and it was gonna be hideous, and ugly, and nappy and hard.. I mean just the most hurtful things about something I was born with, that is a part of my most natural, REAL self. Hmmm.. Seems he says a lot of hurtful things... But this is a hair blog, so I'm gonna stick with hair feelings...

I know my hair is not silky. I'm not white, and I'm not one of those first generation mixed kids.. I KNOW what my hair looks like.. But in my mind our hair is not ugly.. I mean if we don't do anything to it just let it stay dry and crusty, yeah that's ugly. But it would be even on his so called perfect type of hair.. But I've seen some hair that would be called the "rough stuff" and it looks FAB!!! Beautiful.. But those who think like him would say that bitch needs a perm, or that nigga needs a hair cut.. It's plain lunacy!!

I guess the point of all this, other than to just vent is you can't let others define you. You can't let people make you do things that you don't want to do. YOU KNOW YOU!! And I know "naps" are just tiny curls. They should be treated like curls.. I actually hate the term nappy.. I know I'll get a true flogging for that, but I do. Because it implies that our curls are lesser than a white persons or a mixed person- or anyone with big open curls and silky hair. That our hair is ugly and shouldn't be concidered hair.. It's just some nappy ass crap that needs to be covered or altered. Just plain vulgar. I just don't like the inplications.. That's all...

So I'm not using nappy anymore. I'm using curly from now on.. I may still use coily... And I'm not sure about coily either. But as I have a group called Springy Coils, I have to stand by coily for now. FOR... NOW.... LoL! I'm thinking of changing the title to something else that reflects this more equal status movement... I'll let yall know soon...

Well, I guess I'm done rambling for now. I'm going to try to get some picking done.. Maybe I'll get a couple taken down this weekend.. I can't wait to see my little springs free and thick.. Gonna be a real ride...

More to come...


Jen