Thursday, January 22, 2009

Just a short recap. The oil, I now love it.. At first it was stank, then it was alright.. Now I'm PRETTY sure I'll buy it again!! It smell so sweet as long as you dilute it.. Just a little dab'll do ya in this case. Still I wish it had a more coconut smell. :)

And I picked up the brush and brushed 'em.. Just brushed the crap outta my dreads and they feel pretty good.. IT felt pretty good!! At first I was just foolin' around with it, bored.. Hair's there.. One thing lead to another.. I brushed.. And it felt so good, just like all who suggest it said it would. Plus it removed lint I'd imagine.. The lint on the surface, nothing is gonna take the lint out that's imbedded but picking your locks apart and I ain't even thinking about that. But once a week or so maybe.. It might help keep new lint from being imbedded. I mean once a week with the DEEP brushing I did today.. Pretty much each lock or at least each section got a little special attention.. I might just brush over it every two days or so.. I still don't trust styling tools for loose hair on my dreads. Seems wrong. Like they'll brush them apart.. But I guess it's ok every once in a while.. Just for kicks.. :)

Weight, well, still having issues, but it'll be alright. For some reason I've been getting full really REALLY quickly.. I probably should be worried, but I'd like to think it's just my body's way of saying " You know what, Jen. Stop. Just stop. I can't BE like this anymore.. This weight is hurting us.." And that makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about about that.. :) Besides this is how it started last time.. Got really really full, really really fast and lost like 40lbs or more!! Hopefully this time I'll lose a little bit more. And keep more of it off. My goal is like 150 or so, and I think that's possible. I'm a grown ass 31 year old, I don't need to weight 100lbs to be happy.. 150 is just fine.

Well, I guess that's all I have to recap for right now. Maybe there'll be more later. :)


Monday, January 19, 2009

I've been battling many issues for so long and the one that keeps coming up like a CANCER is my weight.. I use to starve it off as a teen all the way to young adult.. About a year or two ago, I lost it through being more 'spiritual'. Worked pretty well, but just as I was about 10 or 15lbs from my goal weight, I just flopped!! The weight started piling back on and now I'm fat again.. Now I've never gained back up to 245 like I was at my heaviest.. I've always kept that last 20 to 30lbs off. But the rest of it keeps coming back over and over again.. It's really annoying.. I can't say it's depression.. I can't say it's this total unhappiness.. It's an eating disorder that I've had since I was BORN.. It goes from compulsive over eating, down to anorexia.. Weird.. Like being Bipolar just with food!! Geez... But I feel the worst if over in this 'swing' in the fat episode.. I don't feel as out of control as I have before, and I think it's because of where I am in life.. I'm 31, not 18.. I'm more set.. I know I CAN eat what I want, so there's no desperation trigger.. You know.. You can't have it so you WANT IT BAD!! This comes and goes now. :) I'm happy about that.

I'm not dieting.. I swore I would never diet again. It doesn't work.. You'll lose it, but you'll gain it back as soon as the diet is over.. But I'm not so stupid as to think that the weight is just gonna fall off.. There has to be balance.. The best choice for me is to eat that meal.. THAT meal... And stop.. Rest.. Think about do you want seconds? Thirds? Really? Probably not.. I believe that is a plan that will work for anyone.. Everyone knows how to diet.. From healthy to the most ANOREXIC starvation diet you can think of you know how to do it.. Just like I do.. But it won't last if your mind isn't set.. Most people are fat for the same reason I am. Because there's something in their minds that isn't clicking right. You eat when you're not hungry.. You eat cause it's there.. I have caught myself just looking for something to eat CAUSE I CAN EAT IT!! That's why diets don't work, hunger is the last of your issues.. Sure that first day, it may be.. But most of the time... It's all mental..

Do I have a magic diet plan? Yes.. THINK... You can't starve your self.. And you'll never stick to it.. You'll feel horrible and then you'll quit.. Then you'll be back on square one.. And so much sadder than you were when you started.. All you can do is eat if you're hungry, then stop.. At first you may have trouble stopping. Well, it's not the end of the world.. Practice makes perfect. Beating yourself up, does nothing but leave you with emotional black eyes. Start making a practice of asking yourself, can I do without more of this? Can I wait a few hours before I eat more.. Most of the time, after a few minutes or an hour, you've forgotten that you're suppose to eat more of it.. And then you don't really want it.. Or it's time to eat again anyway!!

Water is important.. Drink as much water as you can drink. All day. Every chance you get, because it will fill you up. I ate this morning and have been drinking water all day and I'm still STUFFED! I think that's a good start.. At first I was really hopeless, but now I'm feeling like this set back is not the end of the world. :) Feels great to not feel hopeless.. Even if it's just for one day.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Well, I bought a new scented oil, coconut.. Now you know what coconut smells like. Sweet.. Kinda nutty.. CREAMY.. Not this oil... At first I liked it from the bottle's smell.. Smelled kinda like a creamy coconut, but then I decided after another experience I've had with the company that supplies my oil, better smell a little bit on your finger first.. I did.. And first instinct.. OLD LADY SMELL!! I mean.. Like an old lady vanilla.. Thinking it was a mix up.. I smelled the other bottle. (Yeah smart ass bought 2 bottles.. I mean.. I love the smell of coconut!!) Same smell.. It was just STANK.. TOTALLY STANK!! I sniffed that stuff every way I could. Tried to mix it.. Still HORRIBLE.. Worst off I'd put it on one of my locks.. One of my FRONT locks.. I was like oh lord.. I'mma smell like old lady til I wash my hair... But I kept smelling that lock.. And as the day went on.. It thinned out a bit and by this morning, it smelled pretty good.. So I decided to give it a shot.. Knowing it don't smell like I though it did. Get over it.. You paid for it.. You too lazy to return it.. Get over it and try to work with it.. So I did it.. I wash my hair Saturday anyway.. What's the harm? I slathered it on and now I"m waiting.. And it smells sweet.. Not really like coconut.. Not EXACTLY, but it does smell a LITTLE like it and it has a warm sweet smell.. I think I can deal with it.. Actually LIKE it in time.. It smells pretty good in my hair, though it stinks to me on my skin.. :) Who would have thought. :) And hubby likes it, so it's a good buy.. This is not enough to stop me from buying from the company, but I won't be buying any more fruit or floral scents from them.. Or at least not in bulk size.. Maybe a dram or 1/2 ounce or something like that..

I've been looking for new shampoo and conditioners to use as well.. There has to be something better than Pantene. I mean, the stuff is all chemicals!! But I've had a bad experience with 'natural' shampoo.. It made my hair feel like sticks. I can do that for less than $20 thank you.. But I have to try some out because I need a line to sell when I get the shop started.. However, no hype will make me sell people crappy stuff. It has to at least work for ME.. However, I feel the retailer that sold me the shampoo probably has other good products and I may try to sell some of those.. Or maybe I'll sell African Pride products. Much cheaper and I know they work pretty well... Just stay away from the ones containing Petrolatum.. (By the way, there is Petrolatum in Pantene Relaxed and Natural SHAMPOO!! Not conditioner.. SHAMPOO.. Right after water, right before SOAP... I figure that's why it works so well on my hair. Find a product with the same 'oiliness' but not chemical oil and it should work the same.. I may have to make my own if one doesn't exist.. I wasn't really tryin' to make anything, just sell stuff, but you know.. Mother of invention and all that. :) Pantene Relaxed and Natural has worked well for my hair and I'd recommend it, but people have to know about the chemicals and how bad they are for you.. If after that they still decide to use it, more power to them.. Good luck.. It's a great product, great results, but I just personally think we can do better for our hair.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now.. :)