Sunday, May 10, 2009

I've been dreaming a lot of loose locks lately. Of course I'd never cut my dreads off, but still the dreams are KILLING ME.. I experienced my loose hair for months before it actually locked and I HATED dealing with it. It was brittle no matter what I did to it, always looked dry and combing? ForGET it!! My hair was such a hassle loose. Locked it looks better than it ever has and it's longer than it has been in YEARS..

And maybe that's the problem.. YEARS.. I'm working on my fourth year in locks. I have never gone this long with out cutting my hair off. I've been whacking it off since I was 14!! I'll let it grow then for some reason I'd see something wrong with it. Split ends, uneven.. JUST WANTED TO TRIM IT!! And I use to love that airy feeling I got when I finished snipping it off. :)

But I think this is the next level. The next test. I had to be patient and not obsess over my hair being even while it was locking. Not obsess about length. It did it in it's own time the way it wanted to. Now I have to pass this hurdle. The no cutting hurdle.. Something I did for 13 of my life.. Cut my hair. That must be why I suddenly am itching for the scissors.. Hmm.. Even the freeformed lock guru has issues with wanting to cut it off.. How hypocritical.. (looking at myself in my mental mirror ALL sideways. )

But this will pass. I think I'm in a rut with this thing. The mysticism has worn off locking and all that natural African Pride I had in the beginning. And all the 'enlightenment' and energy I was drawing through them has become stale and old. But cutting is not the answer. You'd never keep hair if that was the case. No I have to renew my strength in my locks. My faith and feeling. I have to concentrate on all the good things about my dreads and not the fact that I can't cut them and they will forever look the same. They have already proven that that's not true. They change every year. They get longer, flatter, even some have come loose, so I get to see all them curly ends. Another reason not to cut them.. Them ends be dryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the morning. :p And to imagine a whole head like that.. I'D HAVE SOME DAMAGED HAIR!! And it would be thick and all over for the world and myself to see.. I'd be so sorry if I chopped em off. And I know this.

So I'm compromising.. As a freeformer, I have lots of loose hair at the roots, I have the loose ends on some of them, I've been playing with it like loose hair as far as worring about breakage and moisture and all the things you'd do to natural loose hair. Just no combing or trimming. So I get to visit with my loose hair often. I think it helps me see that my hair is still HAIR.. Just coily curly hair... The locks are an addition. :)

Well, I guess I'm done ranting. I have to come to this thing more often.


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