Wednesday 6/15/11

Wednesday 6/15/11

More drama with DH and the new hair. Remember I told the tale of the very embarrassed sales clerk at Fredrick's about 10 years ago when my hair was real short. Well, for some DUMB ASS reason, I mentioned it to him. Why did I even engage in conversation with him? Especially about hair. Well, I tell the tale to other women who have big chopped and feel bad and not "feminine" because of the new short hair. Not to make them feel worse, just to let them know I've been there and lived. That hair grows back. Well he decided say "Well, you DON'T look good with short hair." 

This is what you come up with... Really? I mean REALLY, DH? 

  Well, after a REAL evil eye moment, I was like "I look good with THIS short hair." I mean a LOT of neck rollin' was taking place ova there, honey child. He was like, "OK." As if to say I DON'T. Needless to say, I was quite heated. But I didn't fuss. Matter of fact, I didn't even want to get into it with him after that. I just said, "Well, hair does grow back." But I was thinking why do you love diggin' these holes? KNOWING when what I decide to do turns out AWESOME you end up looking like a pure-tee asshole. But even without all that, why would you say that to your loved one? "Loved" should I put it. I am my biggest critic. NOTHING looks good on me to me. But this I like. So that MUST mean it's fitting me PRETTY good at very least. And you tellin' me... Essentially, that I'm ugly. Just breaking it down. It is what it is. You tellin' me, that to you... I'm ugly. And this isn't the first damn time he has violated like that. He is TOO quick to say I'm ugly, fat, that I look like a man... But I can probably count the times he's complemented or told me I looked good. I mean without me asking him and he being ready to go, and wanting to just get me out of the house on time. 

  I remember a time when I would have just collapsed into a heaping pile of tears, but I guess I'm different now. I mean, if everyone was standing around me in a circle pointing and laughing and calling me ugly and throwing ROCKS at me calling me a hideous monster and the villagers were running after me with torches, maybe I'd feel so ugly I'd just start crying then. But I'm like. A hair style lasts 6 months befor it grows out unrecognizably. Not worth tears.. Not to me. Sorry...

  I don't know. I feel "manly" with my short hair IF I wear the wrong shirt. Like a plain Tee. But with a nice top. Nothing doing. I just don't hate the way this looks. I imagine as more people see it, I'll get some insults. But even that.. I really just don't care what they say. Anyone who has nothing but bad things to say about me, their input really means nothing to me. Seriously. You have a right to your opinion, but in the end.. Still my head.. I know.  It sucks, right. How they just WASTE breath? LoL! 

  Well, I guess that's it for now. OH! And I decided to keep the mid week rinse in my routine. I think it is a humidity thing as far as the dryness. And I can't get a real result today, as the humidity here is 38%. No humidity for my Long Aid to flourish in my hair. Suuuuucks.. So I just rinsed and added about a dime sized dollop of leave-in. Sealed and put the Long Aid in. It's a little dry still, but I think the rinse is a good thing. I just gotta find something to get moisture back in quickly. I'm a master natural, but my major is in Locs. Loose is new. :p So I'm still working on a routine. But I think the midweek rinse is good. :)

Well, that's it I guess. 

Ciao. 

Jen

Thinking Back...

I was just thinking about a situation a long time ago. I had short hair then, and my husband and I went to Fredricks of Hollywood, and the clerk said as we entered with her big white girl grin, "What can I help you gentlemen with today?" Last time I looked I was not a gentleman.. She was embarassed as hell when she realized her mistake, but that is something to think about. The persuit of being FEMININE!! I seem to have lost mine somewhere along the line. My bastard ass husband blamed my short hair and clothing. I was wearing his leather jacket.. Or my build.. Can't do squat about that. I mean I can lose some weight, but I'm still gonna have the same wide shoulders as I do now, just bonier I guess.. I don't know.. I don't think he really understands what a woman feels.. Nor does he care to. I guess that's why I've got my blogs..

But now I'm taking down my locks.. Oh, and that was a major MAJOR issue.. My locking.. He called me all kinds of dikes and lesbians, and thugs.. It just wasn't even damn funny!! If it wasn't for my twilight sleep-esq love of my locks, I don't think I would have made it. I would have ran screaming back to the perm! But I took the red pill and all was revealed..

Or was it the blue one? It was a Matrix thing.. Or Alice in Wonderland.. Hell you get it..

I can't see myself getting a perm again.. Maybe one day a texturizer, but I don't even see that on the horizon. However when DH found out I was planning to take down my locks, his gears started turning immediately...

Towards me getting a perm... And when I said no... He flipped out. I mean called me all kinds of stupid bitches and everything.. And that I wasn't gonna like my regular hair, and I wasn't gonna be able to comb it and it was gonna be hideous, and ugly, and nappy and hard.. I mean just the most hurtful things about something I was born with, that is a part of my most natural, REAL self. Hmmm.. Seems he says a lot of hurtful things... But this is a hair blog, so I'm gonna stick with hair feelings...

I know my hair is not silky. I'm not white, and I'm not one of those first generation mixed kids.. I KNOW what my hair looks like.. But in my mind our hair is not ugly.. I mean if we don't do anything to it just let it stay dry and crusty, yeah that's ugly. But it would be even on his so called perfect type of hair.. But I've seen some hair that would be called the "rough stuff" and it looks FAB!!! Beautiful.. But those who think like him would say that bitch needs a perm, or that nigga needs a hair cut.. It's plain lunacy!!

I guess the point of all this, other than to just vent is you can't let others define you. You can't let people make you do things that you don't want to do. YOU KNOW YOU!! And I know "naps" are just tiny curls. They should be treated like curls.. I actually hate the term nappy.. I know I'll get a true flogging for that, but I do. Because it implies that our curls are lesser than a white persons or a mixed person- or anyone with big open curls and silky hair. That our hair is ugly and shouldn't be concidered hair.. It's just some nappy ass crap that needs to be covered or altered. Just plain vulgar. I just don't like the inplications.. That's all...

So I'm not using nappy anymore. I'm using curly from now on.. I may still use coily... And I'm not sure about coily either. But as I have a group called Springy Coils, I have to stand by coily for now. FOR... NOW.... LoL! I'm thinking of changing the title to something else that reflects this more equal status movement... I'll let yall know soon...

Well, I guess I'm done rambling for now. I'm going to try to get some picking done.. Maybe I'll get a couple taken down this weekend.. I can't wait to see my little springs free and thick.. Gonna be a real ride...

More to come...


Jen

The things I do.. :p

Well, I was planning to just rinse my dreads out real quick yesterday.. Simple enough. Then for some reason, I got the notion to slather my hair.. MY DRY HAIR with Suave conditioner. Just straight up.. I put it in a pony tail, got in the shower.. After the shower, I rinsed it out real good.. And today, It's so soft. It was soft before I even spritzed and oiled again. cool.. New trick for rinsing maybe? yeah Maybe. :p

I can't wait until my glycerin and aloe gets here. I'm serious I'm on a moisture kick like nobody's business! I've put aloe in my hair before, when I had a curl. It was alright, but it didn't add any shine. I figured it would make a cheaper activator. (Aloe was only like $! a bottle then since most people only used it for cooling off after being in the sun.. Hmmm.. Maybe it still is that cheap.. I'll look next time I need some. But I got the good stuff first.. Not too crazy about the $5 bucks shipping though. <_<

Oh well, you gotta pay sometimes. And it is cheaper than some of the stuff I see for sale costing upwards of $30 for a tiny ass bottle. Even I'm not that stupid. :p OK, maybe I am, but I don't ahve the $30 to spend.. *blushes*


Well, this was just a small post. I'm trying to be more active on this thing. Make use of it.. :)

Ta Ta...

Jen

New Products for the dreads. :)

Well, I decided to break down and buy some glycerin. I've been hearing about it's moisturizing benefits for natural hair, and decided to give it a try. I haven't gotten it yet, as I just bought it today, but I can't wait for it to get here. :) I also ordered some Aloe Gel. I plan to mix them together into a spritz and see how it works. I know my broke ass don't need to be spending all this money, but they were pretty cheap. 16oz bottles for $8 bucks together. I'm hoping this works out well because I am on a serious moisture kick. After my cowash the other day, or was it yesterday? Anyway, my hair feels so soft. At first it felt like it was getting hard as normal when it first got dry, but after I spritzed today with some oil and water and gave it a good seal with some oil, it feels soft, and the conditioner gave it a great smell. Much better than just rinsing alone. I wouldn't cowash exclusively though as I think it would eventually build up on my dreads, making them look dull and dirty. Not to mention slightly sticky and then lint would start to stick and that would just be a great big hot MESS. LoL.. Nah, we ain't goin' there.

I think I'm over my 'cut lust' for the moment. I'm trying to focus on treating my locs like regular natural hair than just acting like they are just THERE. This will keep my interest. I find though I have a highly spiritual connection with my locs, that's what made me cut my hair all the time. Boredom. I got bored with it and cutting it gave me something new. And I must say since I've been shopping for my locs and touching them (constantly!!), I feel reconnected with them.

Well, when the products arrive, I'll give my hair a good wash (if I can WAIT!! I may just start spritzin' it on.. I think I will.. Unless it arrives on my wash day. :p )and start spritzing it up. This, if all goes according to plan, will be my new routine..

Shampooing: Once a week

Cowash: Around day 3

Rinsing: every other day, if I feel like it.

Spritzing: A mix of water, aloe, glycerin, and a HINT of scented oil, used daily. I spritz daily anyway, so this doesn't really change.

It's basically the same routine I've always had, except with a lot more rinsing and washing. ^_^

Well, that's all for now. More later. :)

Jen

I've been thinking a lot about things these days. I last posted about the racism I experienced in the G of A. Well, I think it did something to me.. Something that I don't like. It's not the first instance of racism I've ever encountered, but it seems like it's about to be the last straw before the camel's back breaks.

And I don't want that to happen. So how do you stop others from influencing your feelings? I don't know.. I once had the magic pill that would stop all my pains from the negativity, but it seems I can't get there anymore. I can't center myself these days. I don't think any amount of herbs and inscents can change that. But something has to be done.

I think this is partially why I keep getting the urge to cut my dreads and start over. (Again, not gonna happen. But the thoughts are definately there.) I've experienced a lot of pain in the last year or so. I've made so many mistakes in just a short time and I'd love to start over. But simply cutting my dreads off and thinking that is gonna give me the fresh start I seek is just damned foolish. I'd just end up missing my dreads, though I'm sure I'd LIKE my loose natural hair, it wouldn't be the same. These locs are like a part of my body. Not to just be cast off because you think you can gain some sort of purification from cutting it off.

So I've been trying to satisfy both needs, at least in the hair department. The other stuff your guess is as good as mine what I can do about it. Those answers, I believe, will come in due time. But as far as my hair and my 'cut lust', I'm going to get all into these locs. Caring for them, learning about them, observing them. Making them as strong and beautiful as I can. Like a well loved flower or tree.. A garden I guess would be the best image. Watering it daily and nourishing it. Right now, it's kinda brittle from dryness. I was reading on http://www.nappturality.com/ that your hair can have too much protein. It makes sense as you can EAT too much protein, I guess your hair only needs so much. I did the little strand test, and they are definately solid from protein, but they are dry as they have no stretch before they just snap. They are very... VERY strong in some cases, but there is no give. And I can see the dryness in just touching and feeling it. I have added cowashing to my routine in hopes that I can get some moisture. I've been using the Suave, which for the amount of conditioner I'll be using up, it's the best choice price wise. Dreads just DRINK up conditioner AND shampoo. I plan to keep washing once a week, but if I'm not seeing any improvment in moisture, and my hair shows no signs of build up, I may bump that back a week to twice a month. Cowashing with the Vanilla Floral scent Suave makes my hair smell pretty clean and look as good as it would if I had washed it, but I believe my scalp can tell the difference, so I can't ELIMINATE shampoo all together, but I can hold off on it. After my cowashing today, my hair actually feels soft, but I also know it's not dry yet. Plus, I can see my little loosened ends and I could NOT handle that all over my head. I'd lose it. All the breakage I see there alone.. There is no way I'm even READY to have loose hair. LoL.. I commend those who are holdin' it down with the loose coils.. But this stuff is meant for locs, and I know this.. But still.... Doesn't make me not THINK about all that light loose hair. :p

Well, anyway. As I was saying. I can't afford all kinds of new products, plus ever product is protein rich and my hair has had enough of that. (Grasias, Pantene. ) I would like to get my hands on either some glycerin, or a product rich in vitamins and glycerin.. That should keep it moist.. Plus I'm wondering what are the benefits of spiking my conditioner with oil? If oil is not a moisturizer alone, and it just seals in moisture, if I'm putting oil in my conditioners, am I sealing IN moisture, or sealing my hair off from the conditioner? It's totally a mystery. I'll have to ask my gals on Nappturality about that. Givin' me a little hair-ache.. :p

Well, I've talked in circles long enough.. What have I left out? (Thinks to self.) Wanna snippy snippy, check... No snippy... check... Dry... Check..

Yeah, I think I've covered it pretty well for now. :) So... Later...