I've been thinking a lot about things these days. I last posted about the racism I experienced in the G of A. Well, I think it did something to me.. Something that I don't like. It's not the first instance of racism I've ever encountered, but it seems like it's about to be the last straw before the camel's back breaks.

And I don't want that to happen. So how do you stop others from influencing your feelings? I don't know.. I once had the magic pill that would stop all my pains from the negativity, but it seems I can't get there anymore. I can't center myself these days. I don't think any amount of herbs and inscents can change that. But something has to be done.

I think this is partially why I keep getting the urge to cut my dreads and start over. (Again, not gonna happen. But the thoughts are definately there.) I've experienced a lot of pain in the last year or so. I've made so many mistakes in just a short time and I'd love to start over. But simply cutting my dreads off and thinking that is gonna give me the fresh start I seek is just damned foolish. I'd just end up missing my dreads, though I'm sure I'd LIKE my loose natural hair, it wouldn't be the same. These locs are like a part of my body. Not to just be cast off because you think you can gain some sort of purification from cutting it off.

So I've been trying to satisfy both needs, at least in the hair department. The other stuff your guess is as good as mine what I can do about it. Those answers, I believe, will come in due time. But as far as my hair and my 'cut lust', I'm going to get all into these locs. Caring for them, learning about them, observing them. Making them as strong and beautiful as I can. Like a well loved flower or tree.. A garden I guess would be the best image. Watering it daily and nourishing it. Right now, it's kinda brittle from dryness. I was reading on http://www.nappturality.com/ that your hair can have too much protein. It makes sense as you can EAT too much protein, I guess your hair only needs so much. I did the little strand test, and they are definately solid from protein, but they are dry as they have no stretch before they just snap. They are very... VERY strong in some cases, but there is no give. And I can see the dryness in just touching and feeling it. I have added cowashing to my routine in hopes that I can get some moisture. I've been using the Suave, which for the amount of conditioner I'll be using up, it's the best choice price wise. Dreads just DRINK up conditioner AND shampoo. I plan to keep washing once a week, but if I'm not seeing any improvment in moisture, and my hair shows no signs of build up, I may bump that back a week to twice a month. Cowashing with the Vanilla Floral scent Suave makes my hair smell pretty clean and look as good as it would if I had washed it, but I believe my scalp can tell the difference, so I can't ELIMINATE shampoo all together, but I can hold off on it. After my cowashing today, my hair actually feels soft, but I also know it's not dry yet. Plus, I can see my little loosened ends and I could NOT handle that all over my head. I'd lose it. All the breakage I see there alone.. There is no way I'm even READY to have loose hair. LoL.. I commend those who are holdin' it down with the loose coils.. But this stuff is meant for locs, and I know this.. But still.... Doesn't make me not THINK about all that light loose hair. :p

Well, anyway. As I was saying. I can't afford all kinds of new products, plus ever product is protein rich and my hair has had enough of that. (Grasias, Pantene. ) I would like to get my hands on either some glycerin, or a product rich in vitamins and glycerin.. That should keep it moist.. Plus I'm wondering what are the benefits of spiking my conditioner with oil? If oil is not a moisturizer alone, and it just seals in moisture, if I'm putting oil in my conditioners, am I sealing IN moisture, or sealing my hair off from the conditioner? It's totally a mystery. I'll have to ask my gals on Nappturality about that. Givin' me a little hair-ache.. :p

Well, I've talked in circles long enough.. What have I left out? (Thinks to self.) Wanna snippy snippy, check... No snippy... check... Dry... Check..

Yeah, I think I've covered it pretty well for now. :) So... Later...

I've been dreaming a lot of loose locks lately. Of course I'd never cut my dreads off, but still the dreams are KILLING ME.. I experienced my loose hair for months before it actually locked and I HATED dealing with it. It was brittle no matter what I did to it, always looked dry and combing? ForGET it!! My hair was such a hassle loose. Locked it looks better than it ever has and it's longer than it has been in YEARS..

And maybe that's the problem.. YEARS.. I'm working on my fourth year in locks. I have never gone this long with out cutting my hair off. I've been whacking it off since I was 14!! I'll let it grow then for some reason I'd see something wrong with it. Split ends, uneven.. JUST WANTED TO TRIM IT!! And I use to love that airy feeling I got when I finished snipping it off. :)

But I think this is the next level. The next test. I had to be patient and not obsess over my hair being even while it was locking. Not obsess about length. It did it in it's own time the way it wanted to. Now I have to pass this hurdle. The no cutting hurdle.. Something I did for 13 of my life.. Cut my hair. That must be why I suddenly am itching for the scissors.. Hmm.. Even the freeformed lock guru has issues with wanting to cut it off.. How hypocritical.. (looking at myself in my mental mirror ALL sideways. )

But this will pass. I think I'm in a rut with this thing. The mysticism has worn off locking and all that natural African Pride I had in the beginning. And all the 'enlightenment' and energy I was drawing through them has become stale and old. But cutting is not the answer. You'd never keep hair if that was the case. No I have to renew my strength in my locks. My faith and feeling. I have to concentrate on all the good things about my dreads and not the fact that I can't cut them and they will forever look the same. They have already proven that that's not true. They change every year. They get longer, flatter, even some have come loose, so I get to see all them curly ends. Another reason not to cut them.. Them ends be dryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the morning. :p And to imagine a whole head like that.. I'D HAVE SOME DAMAGED HAIR!! And it would be thick and all over for the world and myself to see.. I'd be so sorry if I chopped em off. And I know this.

So I'm compromising.. As a freeformer, I have lots of loose hair at the roots, I have the loose ends on some of them, I've been playing with it like loose hair as far as worring about breakage and moisture and all the things you'd do to natural loose hair. Just no combing or trimming. So I get to visit with my loose hair often. I think it helps me see that my hair is still HAIR.. Just coily curly hair... The locks are an addition. :)

Well, I guess I'm done ranting. I have to come to this thing more often.

Jen

I was in the market to buy a new home in GA!! I was all happy and excited.. We would get a little fixer upper and... Well... Fix it up! We found one.. Very inexpensive, but too much to pay cash for.. We figured (and "we" being my husband and I. :p ) we'd get a little bank loan for it, after all it was a foreclosed home on the banks site. Surely they'd be willing to give a loan for such a small amount. (And they were. Just needed to check the house out to make sure it was a good investment. Still.. NO problem..) But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I contacted Macon Realty Group Inc.. They were the listing realtor. First thing, kind voice on the phone... Until I spoke..

Well.. What you have to know is you can HEAR the southerner in my tone first off.. The next thing you'll hear is BLACK.. OK, now having said that.. I'll continue..

First question. Are you a realtor, or broker, or just a person wanting to rent the house out? OK.. That's ok, honest question...

I messed up and said I wanted to buy it for a personal residence.. I wanted to live in it.. I can smack myself..

Now the neighbourhood and details behind it.. This is a HOOD.. Most of the houses are boarded up and vacant. It's an all black neighbourhood. I'm pretty sure there isn't even a MIXED COUPLE living in this hood. Now most of the time, Realtors and banks can't WAIT to unass this kinda property.

Side fact.. Across from the street this neighbourhood is on, is a new Marriot hotel being built. Now that's the kicker.. You know what happens when fancy places open up near a black neighbourhood. They 'clean up' the place. Meaning buying out all the black home owners at a 'good' price, build new homes there, sell em at a price 'those people' can never afford and white the place up. Seen it a million times. And it sucks everytime.. That was one of the reasons I wanted to buy the place. To try to keep the neighbourhood going.. Not just to be an all black hood, but not let those snobbish upity bastards get their way. Plus I wanted to buy that house. :)

Alright.. Now I've put my foot in it saying I wanted to live there... Before I could even tell her whether I was going to get a loan or just out right buy it.. (Hey there are rich black folks. Ever heard of Oprah? ) She just ASSumed I didn't have money and had to finance. I was a little offended, but wanted to remain polite.. I wanted this house.. Well, not even telling her that I was planning to finance, she ASSumed my black ass could not afford the house and that it would be a waste of 'both' of 'our' time for her to show the property.. I'm like, "FTW?!" What if I was some rich black person who wanted to 'take back' the neighbourhood? With that attitude, even if I wanted one of those $100,000 homes they showcase on the website, after that convo, I don't think I would be interested. From there, things would look up, and then spiral down hill. We found a realtor we trusted, and she showed the house to us, didn't really see a problem with the place. Even saw potential in it for us to fix up.. However, in the end the listing Realtor got her way and it was no deal.

In the end maybe it was for the best. I'm not one to argue with the universe and apparently that was not an area for me to live in . But it was a reminder of how far we've come, but still how far we have to go in this country. ESPECIALLY down here in the Dirty Dirty. :)

I'm still using the peanut oil on my hair. I've even started adding it to other products, like shampoo and conditioner. I was shocked that the oil worked so well in the shampoo. I still get the same amount of lather, and it leaves my hair shiny, but clean.. It's weird. Oil in shampoo.. Who knew? As far as being in conditioner, of course that' s gonna work like a house on fire, unless you have fine hair that is really really oily. Mixing oils with other products helps most people's hair accept oils better- or so I imagine. Now I can't just SLATHER my locks with oil and think everything is fine, but if I spritz with water first or mix it with another product, it works REALLY well. If I ever start making products to sell, that will be the way to go.. Soon as I get the formula just right. Hey, when it comes to hair care products, I don't mind being the test subject.. :p Plus with all this extra washing and massaging, my hair seems to be growing faster.. Not sure if it's the massage, the products, or just that time of year. But I'm liking the results.

I mixed all my conditioners together, and shampoos as well with some oils (peanut and scented) To see how that's gonna work out.. Plus it will help me use up all those left over products since hubby isn't having me buy more until I use all the old stuff up. (Men, right?) Well, I understand.. Money is tight for all of us these days. This is a great tip for all those out there who have a little of this a bit of that.. Products that just don't work that well alone.. You can mix like things and maybe get better results.. Or at least you'll end up with a new bottle of shampoo, conditioner, oil- Whatever you have a bunch of. :) Just a tip.

Well, I guess that's it for now.. Hopefully I'll have some more to tell soon. :)

Jen

Lately I've been reading a lot about black history and all the movements that took place back then. You would think with all the inspiration and motivation of black people back then, we'd be on top- or at least equal with the rest of the world. Instead, we went backwards like we're suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and have to be some how less than our "paler" counterparts. Sure we talk the talk and some of us have very high paying jobs. Some are in high society. But still when the rest of the world looks at us all they see is the black folks they see on BET and in videos and not to mention on movies and TV shows that make intelligent blacks look like the exception. As in the old terms of the south: "Them Ni&&ers ain't no good... But not YOU! You're one of the good ones." Yeah.. No less offensive is it.. Yet to some... It's acceptable. As long as it ain't "me" then all is well.. But I think what those leaders and prophets of the past wanted was for it to not be ANY of us. They wanted us to be educated, but never lose heart. And never separate from our people in favor of being all up on the "other".

Now don't get me wrong. I want the world to be at peace. Where we can all hold hands love each other no matter what race creed or kind. Rich or poor, no one is less than the other. But we ain't there yet, so never get that twisted. I was reading about Marcus Garvey, I never took time to read why he was so important in black history, now I know. (We read something other than Essence, we learn stuff. :) Though I love Essence and O magazine, sometimes you have to research important stuff too.) He had a very good, well many good ideas. First off was the idea to buy land for us to go back to Africa, which was taken away by slick business men. But not all of us wanna go back to Africa anyway. But we should make the best of being here. Which brings me to the next idea. His idea to own a company for and by blacks. Products made by blacks to ship to blacks for their businesses. Back then we had segregation and sometimes we didn't get the best products from white owned companies, so this idea would have been great. He was planning to ship to American Blacks, Canada,Jamaica and Africa. He wanted all black stock holders. We had chances!! Chances that were rare back then. The companies went down rather quickly, but why were such good ideas for business just abandoned? Well, when segregation ended, we could shop white owned stores and come in the front door like 'real people'.. Well that's all well and good, but then we stopped shopping in the black owned stores. And the attitudes about black owned stores got worse and worse.

You had some black store owners who were trying to cheat the people, But also some who had older products simply cause they could afford fresh and costs were high because they couldn't buy a whole train load and get the discounts to pass the savings on to the customer. The end result. The white business had better quality in some cases and lower prices and we started shopping there. I mean I get that.. Cheaper and better.. A real steal.. But they didn't even want us there. But we pried our way in and demanded to give them our money!! And our neighborhoods suffered. Because all our money was going to another neighborhood. Improving a neighbourhood that didn't need it really and letting ours just go to s#it. Now that was kinda stupid. And the worst part is, this is the trend that lasted.. THE BAD TREND..

Now days if we see a black shop owner, first thing you hear. "I ain't trying to make that ni&&a rich!!" And that's from US not the "other". We ain't trying to make that black man rich but we'll run to Walmart, Target, Albersons- Take your pick! And spend our whole paycheck and never think of it again. I'm not without fault either. I shop the hell outta Walmart! Are there any African products there? There are barely black PRODUCTS in Walmart- BUT they do provide jobs to some people in the communities. But that's all big businesses. And you hear of sexism, racism, ALL isms in a company like that.. But I still go there and toss away $100 a week sometimes!

Anyway, my point is. Seems like by now, we should be owning a company like Walmart, Sams- A GAS STATION!! Something. All the money we throw the "other" we can really have something to be proud of!! Come up in the WORLD.. Start having respect and respecting ourselves.. Then we can join with the world.. Not the way we're doing it now. We are just "fitting in".. Not belonging.. Now I don't think if belonging means being greedy and not caring we should make that our goal. But having the world just look at a black business man as a business man. That he may OWN the company instead of just working for it. You see a black man with a nice car, he's not stealing it. And he's not a dope dealer. He's just doing well. You know.. Same way they look at THEM, they need to see us like that. And they aren't gonna just do it.. We have to put that image out there.

Now how do we do that? I don't know. I'd say support black business, but I've seen that backfire too. You spend and spend.. Get them well off.. And they give you @ss to kiss.. Like they made the money by calling the money faerie! But we have to start somewhere.. Quit raising our sons to be thugs- Thugs are not strong men. They are just dumb animals.. And that's not how I want the world to see our Bredren anymore. Stop raising our daughters to be 'hos. Make them go to school. Learn the word! Have some respect! I'm tired of the world thinking our young women are just 'bitc#es and 'hos. Or ghetto chicks. Just plain tired of it! We have to do something. We need to all.. ALL SEXES AND AGES read up on some Marcus Garvey, some Haile Selesie, Some Malcolm X. LEARN about the past to better the future..

**Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free out minds; How long shall they kill our prophets, while we stand around and look?!** Bob Marley

One Love, Bless Up!

Jen

This was a post to one of Essences sites after reading some of the comments those "Ladies" left in response to a picture of a woman with natural hair.. Mind you, I get pissed about fake bitches trying to front reality.. :p

Wow.. I had no idea black women hated black women so much. Oh wait.. Yes I did.. :) Who said natural hair was ugly? OK, some natural hair is ugly. Just like some slick hair is ugly and greasy too. It's like some black folks are ugly and some white folks are too and vice versa. All of NOTHING is gonna be gorgeous The way I see it, if you're not comfortable with your natural hair, go ahead. Press it, perm it, hell cut off if you think it's beyond help! And as for all those 'ladies' who are always thinking natural women are upity and self righteous, they have a right to be. They have broken a shackle that has been on them since they were 3 and sadly that baby hair turned to the real deal and their mothers decided "Hey. Perms can make my baby have good hair forever!" Hair for black people goes far beyond style. It's just not the same as a white girl or someone with that slick stuff going "Darn it! I can't do a THING with my hair!" And it's easy to say that's crap. It's easy not to look at it.. It's easy to cover it up. It's hard to DEAL with those feelings. But no matter how mad you get. No matter how straight and bouncy you're able to force your hair to get, it's still the same underneath. So next time you try to get righteous cause you have "straight" hair. and another sista has her natural hair and isn't ashamed of it. Instead of trying to snicker and laugh like the slick stuff is actually growing out of your head, try just acting like she's got... hair.. Regular hair. It's not funny. It's not dirty.. It's just HERS.. Now yall play nice. :)


Yeah, I really didn't care if they play nice or not. If it's anything like the REAL pantene site, they'll just delete my realism anyway.. Can't for the life of me know why I keep using Pantene! They are such promoters of black hatred. IMHO. But then that is so many companies.

Well, I had to stop with the brushing. It was making my dreads look WORSE!! They attracted MORE lint and got really frizzy.. Plus they seemed to be getting pulled apart by the brushing.. Maybe my brush was too hard, but personally I just don't see the point.

However, the oils are working great. I even started oiling with peanut oil, not because of any special qualities of peanut oil, just because I have a little bottle of peanut oil that I could lift easily, and a GIANT 25LB JUG of vegetable oil that would have been a hassle to pour. Do the math. i'm lazy. :p But it really does a good job. It lasts so I don't even have to use it everyday if I don't want to. I even added some to my conditioner and it boosts teh shine even more! I've tried the vegetable oil before, but I was hooked on the idea that store products worked better. Now that that honeymoon is over, I'm happy with these results. The vegetable oil works too, but it actually seems that the peanut oil DOES work better. I'll have to test the theory one day, but for now I've got a bottle fulla peanut oil and I'm lovin' it. :)

I've started washing my hair more often, or at least rinsing it out with some conditioner.. I was going every 5 days,, then every 4, now it's just whenever I feel like it.. My locs were getting a bit of a.. well, not an ODOR.. But a smell on the ends. Not a BAD smell.. Just.. Like the scented oils and conditioners were settling in the ends of my dreads and just not blending well.. With the extra washings, all that is gone.. I plan to try a deep cleaning to see if some of this lint can be washed out.. Maybe not but a good deep cleansing followed by a deep conditioning is just wonderful for locs. FOR HAIR in general I believe.. But dreads are bigger strands of hair so they need the deep cleanings more.. :)

Also I've been thinking about this. I've been trying to see dreads as just another hair type. Sucks that we don't have good products geared towards that, I mean the mainstream products that look pretty, smell good, and they have all this hype to say about it.. (Hype is like a placebo effect... If you believe it will work, it will at least for a while.. Well, most of the time. ) But the thought was also that I now am on the 'other side' of hair.. Instead of having extremely 'curly' hair.. It's not literally STICK STRAIGHT!! (Well, the roots are coily still, but the dreaded part is straight. ) It even hangs stick straight and when it's wet, it just hangs there. If I was a person for fancy hairdos, I'd be in trouble and would be going nuts trying to curl and all that crap.. Even a braid out isn't possible because my sticks are so BIG, they don't stay braided, and if they did the difference wouldn't be very dramatic. Curls I think would look cute, but hubby says it will look like curled up snakes since my dreads are so big. Personally, taking the whole stick straight theory, the curls will just fall down anyway, at most making pretty cute waves.. But when I have to BUY curlers, it's hard to convince a man you NEED curlers when you have locs.. Oh well.. :) I think I'll get over it.. At least he doesn't hate dreads anymore. And he knows they aren't dirty now.. So it's not a total loss. :)

Well, those are my thoughts for today. More later. :)

Jen

Just a short recap. The oil, I now love it.. At first it was stank, then it was alright.. Now I'm PRETTY sure I'll buy it again!! It smell so sweet as long as you dilute it.. Just a little dab'll do ya in this case. Still I wish it had a more coconut smell. :)

And I picked up the brush and brushed 'em.. Just brushed the crap outta my dreads and they feel pretty good.. IT felt pretty good!! At first I was just foolin' around with it, bored.. Hair's there.. One thing lead to another.. I brushed.. And it felt so good, just like all who suggest it said it would. Plus it removed lint I'd imagine.. The lint on the surface, nothing is gonna take the lint out that's imbedded but picking your locks apart and I ain't even thinking about that. But once a week or so maybe.. It might help keep new lint from being imbedded. I mean once a week with the DEEP brushing I did today.. Pretty much each lock or at least each section got a little special attention.. I might just brush over it every two days or so.. I still don't trust styling tools for loose hair on my dreads. Seems wrong. Like they'll brush them apart.. But I guess it's ok every once in a while.. Just for kicks.. :)

Weight, well, still having issues, but it'll be alright. For some reason I've been getting full really REALLY quickly.. I probably should be worried, but I'd like to think it's just my body's way of saying " You know what, Jen. Stop. Just stop. I can't BE like this anymore.. This weight is hurting us.." And that makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about about that.. :) Besides this is how it started last time.. Got really really full, really really fast and lost like 40lbs or more!! Hopefully this time I'll lose a little bit more. And keep more of it off. My goal is like 150 or so, and I think that's possible. I'm a grown ass 31 year old, I don't need to weight 100lbs to be happy.. 150 is just fine.

Well, I guess that's all I have to recap for right now. Maybe there'll be more later. :)

Jen

I've been battling many issues for so long and the one that keeps coming up like a CANCER is my weight.. I use to starve it off as a teen all the way to young adult.. About a year or two ago, I lost it through being more 'spiritual'. Worked pretty well, but just as I was about 10 or 15lbs from my goal weight, I just flopped!! The weight started piling back on and now I'm fat again.. Now I've never gained back up to 245 like I was at my heaviest.. I've always kept that last 20 to 30lbs off. But the rest of it keeps coming back over and over again.. It's really annoying.. I can't say it's depression.. I can't say it's this total unhappiness.. It's an eating disorder that I've had since I was BORN.. It goes from compulsive over eating, down to anorexia.. Weird.. Like being Bipolar just with food!! Geez... But I feel the worst if over in this 'swing' in the fat episode.. I don't feel as out of control as I have before, and I think it's because of where I am in life.. I'm 31, not 18.. I'm more set.. I know I CAN eat what I want, so there's no desperation trigger.. You know.. You can't have it so you WANT IT BAD!! This comes and goes now. :) I'm happy about that.

I'm not dieting.. I swore I would never diet again. It doesn't work.. You'll lose it, but you'll gain it back as soon as the diet is over.. But I'm not so stupid as to think that the weight is just gonna fall off.. There has to be balance.. The best choice for me is to eat that meal.. THAT meal... And stop.. Rest.. Think about do you want seconds? Thirds? Really? Probably not.. I believe that is a plan that will work for anyone.. Everyone knows how to diet.. From healthy to the most ANOREXIC starvation diet you can think of you know how to do it.. Just like I do.. But it won't last if your mind isn't set.. Most people are fat for the same reason I am. Because there's something in their minds that isn't clicking right. You eat when you're not hungry.. You eat cause it's there.. I have caught myself just looking for something to eat CAUSE I CAN EAT IT!! That's why diets don't work, hunger is the last of your issues.. Sure that first day, it may be.. But most of the time... It's all mental..

Do I have a magic diet plan? Yes.. THINK... You can't starve your self.. And you'll never stick to it.. You'll feel horrible and then you'll quit.. Then you'll be back on square one.. And so much sadder than you were when you started.. All you can do is eat if you're hungry, then stop.. At first you may have trouble stopping. Well, it's not the end of the world.. Practice makes perfect. Beating yourself up, does nothing but leave you with emotional black eyes. Start making a practice of asking yourself, can I do without more of this? Can I wait a few hours before I eat more.. Most of the time, after a few minutes or an hour, you've forgotten that you're suppose to eat more of it.. And then you don't really want it.. Or it's time to eat again anyway!!

Water is important.. Drink as much water as you can drink. All day. Every chance you get, because it will fill you up. I ate this morning and have been drinking water all day and I'm still STUFFED! I think that's a good start.. At first I was really hopeless, but now I'm feeling like this set back is not the end of the world. :) Feels great to not feel hopeless.. Even if it's just for one day.

Well, I bought a new scented oil, coconut.. Now you know what coconut smells like. Sweet.. Kinda nutty.. CREAMY.. Not this oil... At first I liked it from the bottle's smell.. Smelled kinda like a creamy coconut, but then I decided after another experience I've had with the company that supplies my oil, better smell a little bit on your finger first.. I did.. And first instinct.. OLD LADY SMELL!! I mean.. Like an old lady vanilla.. Thinking it was a mix up.. I smelled the other bottle. (Yeah smart ass bought 2 bottles.. I mean.. I love the smell of coconut!!) Same smell.. It was just STANK.. TOTALLY STANK!! I sniffed that stuff every way I could. Tried to mix it.. Still HORRIBLE.. Worst off I'd put it on one of my locks.. One of my FRONT locks.. I was like oh lord.. I'mma smell like old lady til I wash my hair... But I kept smelling that lock.. And as the day went on.. It thinned out a bit and by this morning, it smelled pretty good.. So I decided to give it a shot.. Knowing it don't smell like I though it did. Get over it.. You paid for it.. You too lazy to return it.. Get over it and try to work with it.. So I did it.. I wash my hair Saturday anyway.. What's the harm? I slathered it on and now I"m waiting.. And it smells sweet.. Not really like coconut.. Not EXACTLY, but it does smell a LITTLE like it and it has a warm sweet smell.. I think I can deal with it.. Actually LIKE it in time.. It smells pretty good in my hair, though it stinks to me on my skin.. :) Who would have thought. :) And hubby likes it, so it's a good buy.. This is not enough to stop me from buying from the company, but I won't be buying any more fruit or floral scents from them.. Or at least not in bulk size.. Maybe a dram or 1/2 ounce or something like that..

I've been looking for new shampoo and conditioners to use as well.. There has to be something better than Pantene. I mean, the stuff is all chemicals!! But I've had a bad experience with 'natural' shampoo.. It made my hair feel like sticks. I can do that for less than $20 thank you.. But I have to try some out because I need a line to sell when I get the shop started.. However, no hype will make me sell people crappy stuff. It has to at least work for ME.. However, I feel the retailer that sold me the shampoo probably has other good products and I may try to sell some of those.. Or maybe I'll sell African Pride products. Much cheaper and I know they work pretty well... Just stay away from the ones containing Petrolatum.. (By the way, there is Petrolatum in Pantene Relaxed and Natural SHAMPOO!! Not conditioner.. SHAMPOO.. Right after water, right before SOAP... I figure that's why it works so well on my hair. Find a product with the same 'oiliness' but not chemical oil and it should work the same.. I may have to make my own if one doesn't exist.. I wasn't really tryin' to make anything, just sell stuff, but you know.. Mother of invention and all that. :) Pantene Relaxed and Natural has worked well for my hair and I'd recommend it, but people have to know about the chemicals and how bad they are for you.. If after that they still decide to use it, more power to them.. Good luck.. It's a great product, great results, but I just personally think we can do better for our hair.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now.. :)

I haven't been here in a long time. My last post was August 26th of LAST YEAR!! Well, recap. My locks are now a bit over 3 years old. They've really grown since last year, I'm working on changing my Avatar to show the growth and I'll add some photos in this post.

My hair care routine is pretty much the same. I started using Pantene Daily Moisture Renewal about 2 months ago. Mainly because it was a HUGE bottle for just a little more than my usual Relaxed and Natural. (One of those Sam's purchases), but now I kinda regret it because there's not as much oil in it and my hair isn't as.... moist as I'd like it to be. The Relaxed and Natural was better. Plus the one I'm using now has a chemically smell that I really can't get past. I'm gonna use it up, but I won't be buying more. I still use scented oils mixed in a spray bottle with water to lightly fragrance my locks and I still moisturize with Africa's Best Ultimate Oil. I have a VERY simple lock care routine. I'm freeformed, so I don't twist, though I notice that some of my side locks are thinning at the roots. They are strong, but it's a little unnerving to think one morning I might wake up and one of em is on the pillow next to me, but not attatched to my head. LoL.. I haven't lost a lock yet and there has been no breaking of locks. I'd like to keep it that way. I still LOVE being locked. I'll never go back to being loose again. This is not just a hair do (Though it looks FABULOUS! ) It was a decision I made on a spiritual basis. An acceptance basis.. So my happiness is only deepened when someone says "I love your hair."

Let's see.. I changed jobs. I became a entry level mechanic on 3 wrapping machines, and I recently left that job.. My husband got a new job and we only have one car. We were working together, this job doesn't allow spouses to work together. So I'm tending the house now. Not bad. It's going to take some getting use to, but I think I'll get use to it. :) This is pretty sweet.. Very relaxed. Infact, I haven't been so relaxed and peaceful in a VERY long time.. In almost 2 years. So all in all, I haven't been a homemaker for a long time, but it's good. I have no regrets. :)

Well, I guess that's it.. Oh, I've been exploring Buddhism and Wicca. I know those don't really go together, but oh well.. :) I like them both. I use to be wiccan a long time ago, and it seem alright. I don't really subscribe to any one religion, so you won't see me calling myself either for a VERY long time. I guess the closest thing to my faith is Unitarian Universalist. I believe in many faiths as true, and condemn none. I was raised baptist, which is Christian. I started studying Wicca, which is a Pagan religion. I became interested in Rastafarianism, which is.. I think.. a christian based religion, though it seems to me like a Black Christian Buddhist thing.. And I just said I've been studying Buddhism, which is... Well, Buddhist.. :P So I'm a mixed plate, but they all teach the basic rules. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you- or better. And that's all good.

Alright, that's all for now. I'm sure I'll be here more now that I'm home all day. And now.. Lock Zen...

Tomorrow is my locks 2nd birthday. I was always wondering how they'd look at this stage. I thought they'd be longer, but they are right where they are supposed to be.. Some folks say they should be SHORTER.. LoL.. But happily they are safe, healthy and still stickin' around. With all the turmoil about them, I'm kinda shocked that I was able to make it this far but 24 months later, here I am. Happily locked and never looking back. I know these posts are kinda lame, but I just ain't feelin' myself these days. I've been trying to become more spiritual lately. Live like the priestess that I'm SUPPOSED to be. But confusion is around every corner. Maybe I'll blog about that one day.. But not today. :)

Ciao.

Jen

Have you ever prayed so much that started to seem like God isn't listening? I know that sounds bad, but sometimes it feels like that. Oh well.. :) Maybe I just ain't holdin' my mouth right, eh.. ANYWAY.. The hair is fine. I've found a site that sells scented oils in "bulk". www.wholesalebodyoils.com got me some egyptian musk and it smells GREAT.. Love it. I'm happy that my locks are turning out so well. I can't believe it's been 2 years already. Seems like only yesterday, and yet like a lifetime. :) Sorry about all the weak posts, I've been so busy lately. Working pretty much 7 days a week lately.I promise someting stellar sooner or later. :)

Jen

Well, It's been almost 2 years since I started my locks and I haven't looked back! I'm still in love with the process.. Their progress... I'm so happy to have them. I'm still using the same stuff I was using. Washing with Pantene Relaxed and Natural shampoo and conditioning with the same line about once a month. Using the Africa's Best Herbal Oil. (Buck 88 at walmart.. Gotta try it.) And just living right. Or the best I can. I thought I'd have something deep to say, but not really. I've been praying and meditating more and I put up tranquility sutras at work. They work really well, but not on ME.. Talk about irony. :) Oh well. Anyway, here are some pictures. And you know there'll be more at http://public.fotki.com/BlackAngelPlayah

I hate technology. Seems Rhapsody has screwed me.. Well I'll get all straightened out soon enough.

Anyway, I had no idea it was the first day of SPRING.. I use to keep up with that sort of thing. Maybe that's why I was, and still am, feeling so spiritual. Changing of seasons, rebirth of the planet. Gotta love that. I'm still feeling pretty good. I've been blessed with a new more CONVENIENT job. I'll be able to catch a ride home with no problem because hubby works there. Instant transportation. I've been so far blessed with all 3 jobs that I applied for. Thank you.

My locks are doing well. I washed them this morning before going to the interview. They were kinda stressin' from all that lint I picked up from those new sheets, which I have laundered and taken off the bed, so I decided to do two lathers instead of one. I need to do a deep condition. I was thinking of buying some of that cholesterol. I've heard it was bad for locks.. I guess cause it might leave build up, but if you rinse it out good it should be fine, right? I hope so. Right now they feel moisturized, but it couuld be because I just oiled them up and washed them! LoL! A friend of mine said she uses just regular cooking oil on her locks, I was thinking of giving that a try. Don't see what it would hurt. Might work better than what I'm doing now. Put some of that perfume oil in it and just spray it on my hair and scalp. Anything is worth a try. And it can't hurt, cause it's just veggie oil. : )

I'll be back to post how it works out..

Jen

I don't know what it is, but I've been sitting here listening to Roots Reggae all NIGHT and I'm feeling pretty energized. I've been feeling very spiritual lately. I don't get it.. Well yes I do.. I've been feeling this way for quite sometime now. Around the time I started my locks.. Infact a little before that. It's part of the reason I started locking. Don't worry this isn't gonna be some kind of long post about getting the holy ghost or nothing.. Nothing like that. Ever just feel like your eyes are being opened.. Or better yet, like you've just been keeping them closed to what you knew was already there. Like I know someone is evil at heart or at least in action, but I feel little or no hatred for them.. THIS IS BIG BECAUSE I USE TO WANNA STRING THEM UP BY THEY PINKY TOE AND BEAT THE SHHHHH OUT OF THEM.. But now.. It's like the hate just won't build.. And when it DOES.. I often wonder.. Is this MY hate? Or is it being planted? And most of the time. It's the latter.

Now everytime this happens to me, something happens to totally DESTROY the feeling of peace I have, so I wonder what it will be this time? Maybe I should greet it like I did opposition to lock. I suffered through it, but I never backed down. And now I have my locks. And they were worth it.. Maybe, this is just the next step. But no matter what.. I'm hoping this feeling will last. And hopefully I can pass it on to someone else with an open mind to listen to my theories about life and living.

More to come.. Much more to come..

Jen

Well, I thought I had a lint problem before, but now.. JESUS! I just moved to Jasper, FL and I needed bedding for the week.. So like a dumb ass, i bought flannel sheets.. Flannel is so soft and comfy, so it seemed like a good idea..

I GOTS LINT IN MY..... BODY!! It's EVERYWHERE! I couldn't wash them before use, cause my washer is still in Perry. So since I had no idea it had lint like that, I'm COVERED in the stuff.. A lock wearer's nightmare!! I covered it up and I STILL got lint in my dreads.. Now I'm shame cause I feel like I'm feeding the negative stereotype. (That dread heads are dirty- especially my peeps the freeformers!! UGH!!!) Oh well, I'll have more of my stuff tomorrow, and I'm off work Monday. (Got the Nestle job. Filler Room Operator, I be.) I believe when I wash the sheets the lint will go with the rinse water.. : ) So it will be alright.Plus I'll have other sheet sets if that fails.. But this lint.. I'm gonna have to wash my hair SO hard after this is over...

My oil is still working well. I'm getting use to the smell of it, so I just smell it when I toss my hair. (Yay.. I have hair to toss..) It smells clean.. Like herbs.. :D I love that. I hate to stereotype my own people, but that's what I think about when I see locks. A heavy incense smell that just takes me on a journey.. So obviously I wanted that smell.. Hard to find I guess.. That's alright though. I did get a surprise though about my scented oil.. It moisturizes my locks. Weird right? I only put like a little drizzle in about 8 or 10 ounces of water and my locks feel softer and more moisturized with me putting less grease on them. I love that benefit.

And speaking of benefits, a friend asked me an interesting question. She asked what were the benefits of locking.. I got to answering her and I was like dang.. I had no idea I got all this for locking. Apparently my first thought was true.. It is more than just a hairstyle. It' s a wisdom builder. Here's the list of just stuff I could think of. It starts superficial, but it gets deeper... AND KEEP IN MIND I WAS SHOCKED.

1 You hair grows longer. Because your hair isn't breaking off , you see your growth better. You're keeping your growth.

2. No more perms, salon visits, styling implements, or mirror checks every car trip to make sure things are right where you left them. You literally have Perfect Hair Forever!

3. Acceptance. You're accepting your hair for what it is.. No more fighting to make it something it's not. and the rewards are plentiful. Once that pressure to be perfectly straight, or Hollywood curly, you are free. And that weight was heavier than you ever knew.

4. Patience. No matter how much gluing or twisting, or rolling, or fretting you do, you hair is still only going to lock when it's ready to. You can't control it.. so either you give up, go crazy, or accept what it is for what it is. I freeformed and locking still happened. All I had to do was learn to wait for it. Lesson well learned and paying off thank you very much.

5. Locking teaches you that you don't control the universe!!! As in the patience section, you find that no matter how hard you try to make you hair lock just the way you want it to, and when you want it to .. It will do it the way and when it wants to. No matter if you glue it down, twist it obsessively, or just let it be, it will do it in time. It's own time.. You don't lock your hair, it locks itself. And there's nothing you can add to that. I wanted Ropes and I got something between that and manicured locks. And everyone loves them, but not as much as I do.. (That's not possible.)

Next time you twist your lock or photograph them, think about what you've learned. You'll find that you've learned a lot more than just how to twist a lock. And your list will continue to grow. And you'll ask yourself... How did I learn all this from.. My Hair?

Ciao..

Jen

Ever do something stupid and you knew it was a bad idea when you did it.. But you did it anyway? Well, that's what happened to me. One word, folks.. SURVEYS!! These are some of the biggest rip offs in the business. They are the new 900 numbers for the web. The promise you all this money.. A dollar here.. a $500 gift card there. But always for a price. Now we all know nothing is for free, but good Lord, this is ridiculous!! I was offered a "free" Kitchen Aide mixer for completing a survey. Read the terms and conditions and they HINTED that I may have to buy/subscribe to something. So I got into it.. I got BMG music service.. Not bad, I need music anyway.. I completed an offer.. Free mixer right? WRONG.. I was greeted with about 8 more pages all with offers that must be completed!! I'm like.. Uh.. I could have just BOUGHT the mixer for less.. Needless to say, I just took my music and dipped on that survey and unjoined their site.

Point is.. The old saying is true. If something sounds too good to be true.. IT'S A BOLD FACED LIE!! Surveys are fun, but don't expect anything from them. You'll only be disappointed.

Jen

Well, I finally bought some scented oil. And I must say it is... Powerful to say the least. I put some in a spray bottle full of water and it smells like I just dumped the whole bottle on my hair!!! I guess I put too much in there, but too little and it will seem like nothing.. Ugh! Hard to mix crap. :) But that's alright. I like the smell of the oil. I should have gotten the lighter one though. I like a more incense smell for my dreads though. Or a vanilla smell. This is kinda incense smelling, but very heavily scented. More like a perfume. It's called Anucci or amicci.. The label is hand written, so it's one of those. It smells good, like I said, but a bit strong. And at first my scalp was itching and burning. Just like when I used that "Yummy" shampoo I bought online. In fact, it kinda smells like that. I'll probably wash my hair either today or tomorrow morning, thin out the mix and see how that works. I paid $4 for that oil and I'm gonna use it!! Believe that now.. :)


Anyway, back to the dread conversation. I've been locked for 18 months now (August 27th was my locking day of 2005, in fotki, I though it was the 17.. Oh never mind... ) and it's going pretty good. I'm still using the same system I was using at the beginning of the year. In fact, I've been pretty much using this same "system" for over a year. It's working well, so why change it. I'm going to try to use a vinegar rinse soon. I have a LITTLE buildup in my hair and I need to strip that out. I'm starting a new job with in the next week or so, so my time will be limited again. Though this job gives great off time. And the pay ain't bad either. :) I just hope I can do this job with out making an ass of myself and getting fired. :( That would be a lowdown dirty shame. :)





As you can see they're growing pretty well here. I do see a few specks of lint or SOMETHING in them, so a rinse may do something with that. If nothing but break down old oils so I can pick it out better. Can't be givin' my fellow dread locked people a bad name, now can I? :)

There are so many products I'd like to buy for my little lock babies. Oils, shampoos, special conditioners.. But I just don't have the money right now.. Is that a bad thing? No. Because if I DID have the money, my hair would probably look a hot mess by now with all the crap I'd have been putting in it. As with most things in Nature, less added is best. Add too much.. And it wouldn't be nature, now would?

Jen

PS. For more pictures check out http://public.fotki.com/BlackAngelPlayah

OK, now that I have your attention, when did this term become offensive and why? Is it such a horrible idea for white folks to have a drop of black in they ass? I saw this on MSN encarta looking for what the f@ck an IT Pathway Certificate was (I would like to continue my education and become an IT person.) And it didn't tell me what that was, I guess it's unique to Kaplan Uni. Anyway, I saw a stock certificate to some silver mining company called the Octoroon Mining Company I think it was. So I decided to look the word up to see what MSN said the meaning was. ( I know it's a person that is 1/8 black blood. I was just messin' around, ya see.) Anyway, I was greeted with this screen that says "OFFENSIVE CONTENT" or something of that nature. And how they wanna protect Kids and such, donchaknow. I'm like protect them from what? The idea that your snow white a$$ might have a touch of Oli in it? I was kinda offended that they were offended.

I know we all have "terms" but usually they have a really REALLY negative vibe behind them. And for a good reason. Like Nigger for example. If somebody called me a Nigger, I'd be ready to break my CPU over his/her head. (Clarification, black people don't call each other "Nigger" it's Nigga. Like the Comedian said, that "ER" will land your a$$ IN "ER" ) That's offensive because of the way it was used. And we were highly oppressed in a time when this term became popular. It strikes a nerve. Even as I look back on my own post, I'm like... Damn, that's an ugly looking word. And it is ugly. Shouldn't be used and states no definition what so ever. (Negro is spanish for black. Noir is french for black.. Why we ain't Noirs? yeah, see how that can go either way?) Octoroon, though I don't know what a "roon" is.. But octo just means eight.. I know whites used this as a racist term against other whites who were discovered to have black ancestry.. But why is that even a bad thing? To have one black part the family? Maybe I just don't get it.

I'm just saying's all.. For some reason I got highly ticked off about it. Bad enough MSN has very little black friendly content. Nothing about something as simple as locks. It's like blacks abandoned MSN and vice versa. I think I'm the only one with a black site on MSN. Is Microsoft racist? No, not RACIST racist.. Just a little... Uncomfortable with us? You know not burn a cross on your yard uncomfortable.. Just a little... "Careful not to offend the black people" or "No black Jokes, please" uncomfortable.. I wonder.. Anyway.. Guess this gal is done complaining for the time being.. I started this about locks, but locks have to do with blackness. And blackness was the topic of this post, so I guess.. It's all good. :)

Jen